DAD-Chronicals : The safety that children need

bembelmaniac (65)in #dad-chronicals • 6 years ago

The safety that children need

Each parent knows the favorite song and story in and out. Hundreds of repetitions make this possible. On the other hand, children quickly get bored and they become insufferable. How do you deal with these apparent contradictions as a parent?

First a rule of thumb - the younger the child, the more security and safety it seeks in its environment - from the persons, the daily routine and the activities. The older children become and the more self-confident, the more variety they need. It is therefore a mistake that children are constantly looking for a change. Whether this is so depends mainly on their level of development - but even then it depends on how far possible changes go ...

Above all, babies and toddlers need safety

Very young children depend on third parties for their well-being. They are extremely grateful for regularity and reliability in terms of care, nutrition and rituals. Especially at this age, give your children reliability in terms of personal relationships and in relation to the daily routine. So they find themselves in the world and gain confidence in their environment. Your children will also give you back this regularity - through reasonably controlled sleep and waking phases and a comparatively balanced nature. Of course, the character of a child also plays a big role. Nevertheless, they are better off with a sleepy child who feels safe and secure in his skin. Trust us ...

As soon as their children are able to speak, they will also tell you that they want to have things exactly as they are used to. Whether it's the stuffed animals that are in exactly the right place, the way the apples are cut or the door that has to be opened every night at the same angle. From this regularity their children draw safety to master the new challenges they face.

Rituals bring structure

Remember her own childhood - do you remember how you could stay up late on the weekend and see the "hit parade" or "bet that" together with your parents? A reminder that is positively taken up by many of us elders, a shared, regular experience, a kind of ritual. Such rituals, learned regular fixed points in everyday life, can also establish you for your family. Every evening at bedtime, which always follows the same procedure. Or with a common meal of all family members. Set yourself such fixed points. Important here is the reliability in the implementation and in the process. Your children will appreciate it.

Reliability for kindergarten and school children

At kindergarten and later at school, children are far more independent from their parents. They do not always have to be occupied by their parents, make their first friendships and explore their surroundings on their own. At school age comes at some point also the desire to spend a night with a friend or a girlfriend.

Nevertheless, your children continue to seek safety in familiar surroundings. With great joy children hear the same stories over and over again, sing the same songs or watch the same films. It gives you confirmation that you know what comes next. Alas, if Papi once cuts short while reading the bedtime story! Your children will also be more skeptical about changes in the home - a new sofa, for example. They feel comfortable in a familiar environment. When it comes to your children, it can also be the same holiday destination every year. The task of the parents is to inspire them from time to time for something new. With the new suggestions, your children will also gain experience that is good for your development.

At the latest, when they go to a secondary school, children feel more and more eager for new things. At home, everything should basically stay the same. Nevertheless, their children will increasingly rebel against the existing rules - whether it's bed time, starting time, afternoon homework, pocket money or eating together. The older children become, the more independence they seek. This is a natural, healthy process. It is your job as a parent to allow your children more and more freedom and self-reliance while at the same time maintaining the necessary rules that give structure and reliability to your children's lives.

The parental home as a safe haven

The teenage years are an age when children rub their parents and structures of any kind. They want to stand on their own feet and that's basically good too. There will be discussions, even quarrels. Yet it is also important for young adults to know that the home is a place of safety where they can always seek refuge and hope for understanding and comfort when the world has hurt them out there. This safety and understanding in the home gives your children the support they need to face the challenges of growing up self-confidently.