We all have a child inside us, that is an undeniable truth because everyone love to do fun stuffs from when we were small children, and have fun like back in those days. It is healthy and it is part of our happiness.

However, there are adults who behave like children and who decline to take the responsibilities typical of adulthood, since they are like eternal kids their condition is called Peter Pan syndrome, and it is more common in men who find themselves trapped in their infant phase and are terrified of living a properly mature life, to grow up and to accept all the roles that are normal for an adult.

In addition to this, these individuals can have a big affective deficit and a considerable amount of insecurity with low self esteem, which makes them have severe complications to develop and act as the grown up people that they are, and interact with people from their environment can get complicated.

Although this condition may be the result of several factors, it usually originates in childhood, either because of having enjoyed a very happy one, that later on is idealized by the person even to the point of believing it was the best time of his life, or in the other hand, if the person had an unhappy childhood with no loving relationships, this could also trigger the manifestation of the peter pan syndrome later in life.

Understanding the syndrome

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The ‘Peter Pan Syndrome’ affects people who do not want or feel unable to grow up, people with the body of an adult but the mind of a child. They don’t know how to or don’t want to stop being children and start being mothers or fathers. | Source

The syndrome as we can see, consists in the childish behavior that is present in some adults who don’t like to see themselves as such, they do not know or do not want to accept the responsibilities and duties according to their age. They continue acting as if they were children and refuse to have a proper adult role in their life, and because of this, they are conditioned by a great emotional immaturity (just like children), a considerable amount of insecurity and a strong fear of not being accepted or loved by other people. This severe fear of rejection leads them to seek a safe place behind the childish behavior, and this makes them feel more comfortable and able to face their daily lives without having to complicate themselves facing any issue typical of adulthood nor having to think too much to get through their day. As we all know, children’s lives are much easier than adult’s lives because they have less responsibilities even if they, in their innocence, think this is not the case.

These men are charming in their guilelessness and naivete. Responsibility is a bad word to them and denotes the dreaded territory known as adulthood. They live to have fun. | Source

Although these people can give the impression that they are very happy and enjoying life to the fullest, the truth is that deep down they are insecure people, they not only need protection from others but they also heavily depend on others as well, all of this can make them have intense feelings of loneliness and general dissatisfaction, which complicate their personal development and cause certain difficulties when establishing social relationships and interacting with people of the same age.

Because since they aren’t use to behaving like an adult, in order to look normal they would have to pretend, and other people can eventually notice there is something wrong with them, their behavior and their way of life.

How do these people behave?

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They tend to idealize childhood and deny the fact they are adults, and because of their childish behavior they are very irresponsible, impulsive and immature, they don’t think before acting nor assume the responsibilities of their actions. On the contrary, they expect others to assume these responsibilities for them when they make mistakes and also tend to blame other people if something has not gone as they expected, besides, hiding their true face for them is something quite common, they lie a lot and always have excuses to disguise their inability to mature and act like a grown up.

When it comes to serious plans about their future, they don’t have any, and only think in the short term, they live in the moment and enjoy small pleasures without worrying about tomorrow, and eventually realizing this fact can make them very worried because life goes on whether they like it or not, and they will get older and older regarding of their attitude or personality. And of course, this internal conflict can seriously affect them in the long term.

They shirk away from most forms of responsibility and all their energy is focused on finding pleasure in life. In doing which, they manage to shut out their sense of what is right and what is wrong, and they become hedonistic in intent | Source

They have a narcissistic and selfish personality and they always want to have the attention of the people around them, like spoiled kids, they only think about themselves and focus solely on their problems, completely ignoring the problems of others and constantly showing a lack of empathy, that as adults, can have a negative affect in their social relationships, which can make them feel extremely dissatisfied with what they have, with their lack of results when it comes to their goals, and with their general circumstances in life, but they do nothing to change their current situation. They want to get everything they want without having to really put an effort into accomplishing it.

Because of their lack of maturity they don’t take very well opinions that are in direct conflict with what they think, and when they don’t get what they want, their low patience and low tolerance for frustration makes them have an angry reaction similar to that of a child's tantrum.

How to overcome this syndrome?

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The first thing a person should do in order to overcome this syndrome, is to accept the fact that he actually has this problem in the first place, that is making him unable to mature properly, by accepting it and realizing he has not been able to manage this properly and much less overcome it, he can more easily take the time to reflect about his own life and his past, with the goal of figuring out what might have triggered this syndrome.

From there, the person can really begin to understand his situation and with this understanding it is just a matter of time for the person to slowly get rid of this difficult issue, and as was already mentioned, behind this syndrome there are certain affective difficulties that have to be solved as well.

When dealing with this issue, the goal should be to cooperate with the person and help him learn how to manage his thoughts and prevent him from becoming a victim or feeling bad about himself or about others, this way he can start to assume his daily responsibilities, properly manage his different emotions, and finally increase his self esteem and tolerance to frustration, only by achieving these goals it will be possible to have a balanced and satisfying life.

Perhaps this “syndrome” is our inner child trying to tell us that they do not have the necessary tools to make confident decisions, that they are ill-equipped to deal with the expectations that come with adulthood, that they do not believe in themselves and their goals, that they are missing something and do not have the ability to self soothe and move on from overwhelming experiences. Perhaps our inner child is trying to tell us that they need some attending to in order to move on to adulthood. | Source

But of course, realizing the advantages of adulthood compared to those of childhood, is imperative. By doing this, they will be able to develop a positive thinking about their maturity and it will take less work to assume responsibilities. Emphasizing in ideas such as the economic and personal freedom that we have in adulthood, the power to choose and make our own decisions, the fact of being able to decide with whom we want to relate, besides, if we think about it, only in adulthood can a human being be truly free, so embracing this stage of our lives is the best thing these people can do, even making a list with everything they want to achieve in this part of their lives can be of huge help.

They will realize their happiness will eventually not only be bigger, but most importantly, it will be sustainable, which is not the case if they keep having a childish behavior, because life will eventually catch up with them, and the little fantasy they have, will come crashing down.

Since they are very self centered, they should try to understand the importance of not only worrying about their problems, but also to be aware of the concerns and problems of the people around them, because only by doing this can healthy social relationships develop, which are a cornerstone for our overall well being.

They should also get rid of their biased belief that maturing means losing contact with our inner child that we all have inside of us. The important thing is for them to understand that each person must achieve an order between those 2 parts of our personality, and in their case, that order is currently disrupted.

Conclusion

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Having the Peter Pan syndrome won’t allow the person to have a normal life, this issue can create complications in a lot of areas, whether it is our social, personal, professional and financial life, everything will be affected by the fact of not having a properly mature attitude and enough discipline to go out there and work for our goals.

For these adults, if they really want to achieve a sustainable happiness, sooner or later they will have to realize and completely accept that it is now time to start doing whatever it takes, in order to get rid of their inappropriate ways that are not fit for their age. With enough time and patience, the person will be able to adjust to his role as adult, and start to live responsibly once and for all.