Self-compassion is as important as compassion for other beings.

jaynie (75)Memberin WORLD OF XPILAR • last month

“Your inner child is waiting for a genuine, heartfelt apology.” - Yong Kang Chan

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, particularly about my life as a whole. Whilst I may often recall individual incidents, I realised that I don’t think I have ever actually sat down and verbalised the timeline of things in a sequential order - until the other day.

Suddenly, I felt a lot more empathy for myself than I think I ever have before. For the most part, I think I am pretty hard on myself regarding my life… you know “toughen up” and all that… put on the thick skin or the big girl panties and keep on moving.

The problem with this is the accumulative deterioration which begins to take place from all the flippant suppression over the years. A person, any person… can only handle “so much” before the cracks start to show and when one of the cracks finally give way it can become a little bit like a breaking dam wall.

“As you embark on this journey, I invite you to remember these words: slow, quiet, gentle. You are already worthy of love and belonging. This is not a journey of worthiness, but a journey of care... Because you must know, dear heart, that you are worthy of care, whether your house is immaculate or a mess.” - K.C Davis

I don’t really know how or why I got started in talking about my life to my partner Dave, but I did. It had not been a particularly good few days and sometimes my lows can get really low. Nonetheless, this was where it ended up… and I just started at the beginning.

The crazy thing though, is that I was not really even getting into any major detail - I was simply covering the “trauma highlights” if you will… and just those collectively - on their own - was rather emotionally alarming. How am I even surprised that I often find myself struggling emotionally?!

No sane or reasonable person listening to my story would expect me to turn out as a perfect cookie cut, so why on earth do I impose those kinds of pressures on myself - I mean, not that I try to be perfect… but rather that I do not normally offer myself a certain, healthy level of compassion for my certain pockets of baggage.

It seems like an obvious realisation… something that I probably should have done a very long time ago, or at least began looking at a long time ago - but often we are not really comfortable laying our lives out on a table for many reasons which are generally founded on fear of one kind or another… but we really should make the time to look at things more closely, more often… or at least that is my thought on it at any rate.

“It is not depression or anxiety that truly hurts us. It is our active resistance against these states of mind and body. If you wake up with low energy, hopeless thoughts, and a lack of motivation - that is a signal from you to you. That is a sure sign that something in your mind or in your life is making you sick, and you must attend to that signal. But what do most people do? They hate their depressed feelings. They think "Why me?" They push them down. They take a pill. And so, the feelings return again and again, knocking at your door with a message while you turn up all the noise in your cave, refusing to hear the knocks. Madness. Open the door. Invite in depression. Invite anxiety. Invite self-hatred. Invite shame. Hear their message. Give them a hug. Accept their tirades as exaggerated mistruths typical of any upset person. Love your darkness and you shall know your light.” - Vironika Tugaleva

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Until next time...
Much Love from Country Bumpkinland, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea