The use of dating websites vs. active spontaneity

In this post, I will explain why, despite the proliferation of the online dating scene, many people more than ever before, find it extremely frustrating to try to find a proper mate through a dating website. Whereas in the past it was quite successful and I can testify on that from personal experience, lately - In recent years - the online dating scene has lost its attraction. Why is that? When is it appropriate to use a dating website and when it’s not? Is it really possible to find a True-Lover online? And could there be at all any ground rules regarding such an intuitive and spiritual mechanism?

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Credit: Kinetic artist Mark Robbins

One of the great benefits that the internet scene has brought was the empowerment of the average woman who, for years, has been taught to take the role of the submissive, quiet and always ‘ready to please’ spouse in order to get married. Such new direction was well fit with the new man’s approach to relationships, that is men no longer want submissive women. The internet finally provided the women the freedom and the safe place to choose from a myriad of potential spouses what they really deserve and want. Although it is quite popular to claim that the Internet’s anonymity is a stumbling block, practically every person who wants to find details about another person before a personal interaction occurs can do so by comprehensive research. Nowadays, it is almost nearly impossible to hide the truth by using, for instance, fake profiles. (Incidentally, some don’t see it as good news for romance).

Those same women who, with much enthusiasm and passion, used the internet in its early times to find a potential spouse, have in the past years abandoned the hope that through that mean they would find their TrueLove. One of the reasons for that change can be, naturally, the growing relationship between online dating and cybersex. Dating websites are a meeting place for various individuals who have different intentions regarding the desired relationship they seek. When a person, be them a woman or a man, creates a profile on such a website stating specifically that they look for a serious relationship, no one can guarantee them that they would be approached solely by those who share the same intentions. That uncertainty has caused many to stay away from such websites. No matter how hard we try to improve the internet (like by building a mathematical module) to make it an efficient tool for finding our soul mates, it will still have a major impedance that originates in its lack of essence and over-rationalism. And there exists the heart of the matter.

The more we grow and become conscious of the life around us the more we learn to appreciate the circumstances we live in. We desire to experience life in its fullest potentials, to gain richness, happiness, and prosperity. We are taught, or we teach ourselves, that we can indeed have our dreams fulfilled, and that we really deserve to be happy and fully satisfied in every aspect of our life, particularly in our relationships. However, let’s face it - most of the relationships that we witness around us are less happy and less satisfying than the relationship that we desire for ourselves. Therefore, we are determined to do everything in our power to have a better personal future; to ensure that the relationship that we create for ourselves is both subjectively and objectively the best possible one. Even if we are smart enough not to listen to the hypnotic suggestions of the media and rather focus on the important characters of our potential spouse, their personality merits, we justly still are not willing to compromise on being in love and feeling happy. We are willing to marry someone who isn't rich or good looking but we still want to feel that our love affair is ‘bigger than life’, is an event that was created by God’s grace and was inspired by romance and naturalism.

The problem arises when we begin to manifest that desire. When we create a profile on a dating website and we see around and near thousands of people just like us the magic slowly disappears and despair takes its place. Feelings of unworthiness and confusion stir within and we no longer feel the “bigger than life” sensation that we desired to have when we would meet our One. In the case that we do choose eventually to go out with someone, we participate in the blind date with little hopes. Those then, naturally manifest themselves and we end up with one more failing date on our resume. On the other hand, if the magic does occur and we do fall in love with someone we met on a dating website, we find it difficult to believe that the greatest love of our life could really be that person who we had met in such a mundane way. Therefore, either we leave that person or we create a handful of difficult experiences that would eventually convince us in the truthfulness of that romance.

Credit: Restoration by Julian Baumgartner

To come loose from that trap we must go back to the basics, meaning to listen to the impulses that are transmitted to us from the fundamental reality that governs the common one, framework 2. For this reason, I advise not to have a profile on a regular basis but to open one only when you spontaneously feel pushed to do so. When you take such step make sure you insert your purest intentions to the creation and provide true and specific details. Then give it a short time to manifest and to produce outcomes; meaning, if within a few days you do not find a matching partner, delete/suspend your profile. Resist the temptation to actively search for spouses there. Remain sensitive to any additional impulses that intuitively will come to you and which in turn will lead you to another way through which your One will arrive to you.

Remember as well that finding True-Love should be an effortless process and there is nothing noble in suffering on the way. Indeed, some will love to have a grandiose dramatic story of how they met their wife or husband, but you, on the other hand, may consider the fact that the most beautiful story may perhaps be one of “coincidences” and miracles which brought together two people who have faithfully listened to their inner voices.

Coincidence CAN occur while using a dating website; and if it doesn’t don’t force it. Else you would lose that magic that you so desperately longed for in your relationship. Trust yourselves that when the time comes your One will find you in a simple and effortless way. Women who will listen more closely to their intuitions will realize that they no longer need to be frustrated by repeating failures that are caused by years-long use of online dating websites.

Looking into the future, a successful dating website will have to serve as a platform for personal interactions only for those who act upon intuitive impulses and not for those who rationally search for a partner. That in itself will require the internet to develop a new function other than the “search” which will be more attentive to the user’s needs.

And here lies an idea for your next start-up company!