When Cobwebs Become Chains: Cultivating Healthy and Productive Habits, Avoiding Pitfalls
"Habits are first cobwebs, then cables" goes an old saying. But depending on the habit and how it affects you, "chains" might be a more apt metaphor than "cables".
I want to make it clear up front that I'm not talking about addiction, at least not in the sense of physiological dependency (drugs, alcohol, etc.). What I'm talking about are deeply entrenched habits, automatic behavior. I suspect many readers will know exactly what I mean: There's that project you've been meaning to finish (or start); you've been meaning to get to the gym more, or at least get off the couch; that blog you wanted to write; or side business you're sure you could start up and make a few extra bucks. BUUUT your three favorite YouTube Channels just uploaded new videos, you're just going to respond to these few comments on Facebook while you finish this one more episode of Stranger Things on Netflix, or play "just" 20 minutes of the mobile game du jour. Actually, screw it, you've already wasted enough time today - maybe you'll just write it off and start with real enthusiasm tomorrow. But you don't, do you?
It's great f you've managed to make cables out of habits like exercise, writing, healthy eating, cooking, or other productive activities. But if also (or instead) you've formed habits like couch surfing, browsing politics and news, playing video games, porn, or unhealthy meal choices, you can end up feeling like a real captive to those behaviors, in spite of yourself.
This is a fight that I've been having (and mostly losing) for years and only recently started winning. For the life of me I couldn't seem to tear myself off mobile games, Facebook or YouTube, even thought I had so many things I wanted to do, even as simple as cleaning up the house. a few months ago, all of those behaviors had manifested so hard that it started to cause real problems in my relationship. It was then, when I was finally faced with real consequences, that I knew that not only did changes need to be made, they had to be made now. And both my fiancée and I are making progress.
If parts of the above story sound familiar to you, I recommend the following steps that have been successful for me.
See a talk therapist. - I can't recommend it enough. For some people there remains a stigma around seeing a psychologist but there's no shame in it. If you want to address a physical problem, you see a medical professional. I tried for years to improve what I viewed as behavioral or emotional deficiencies in myself and failed, so I decided that I needed professional feedback. I'm an engineer after all, not a mental health professional.
Learn more about habits and self discipline. - There are some great books out there that will help you to understand your own (and others') behavior better. Being aware of how habits are formed and of successful steps to mastering them can be a lot more helpful than the sheer willpower approach that failed me for years.
Daily Self Discipline by Martin Meadows and The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg were particularly helpful to me.Take the small wins. - In order to replace your undesirable habits with positive habits, you've got to start forming the positive ones. When you think about putting down the cell phone and going to jot down some ideas for that side business, do it right then without hesitation. Don't give yourself time to ruminate on the fact that it is just one tiny step and you really need to sit down and do a lot more work before anything gets off the ground. It's one tiny step more than another 30 minutes of Clash of Clans, and you need the win.
Distractions will always be unlimited and seem to only grow, but after all, when you're on that death-bed, what are you going to regret more: the minds you never changed because you couldn't muster yourself to write that blog - or not being up-to-date on the hottest Netflix series?