What really makes me happy

Today I had a moment of selfreflection. What is the purpose of my life? Is this really where I want to be in this stage of life? Am I doing the things that make me grow as an individual? All those questions made me feel confused.

From deep inside I know that I am not living my dreams, but I am living the life the society expects me to live. To my opinion the society tries to conditioning me with the idea that I have to follow certain patterns to find happiness in life. All individuals in our society have to grow up, go to school, study, find a job, start a family and continue working until they can finally retire. From that moment, probably when I am 70 years old, I can finally use my limited amount of time to do the things I really want to do.

Then I can go to bed whenever and wherever I want to, without planning things in advance. Limitations I am dealing with now will be disappeared. An example of these limitations is that when I decide that I want to be in China tonight it is impossible to book my ticket immediately, because the commitment I have to my job and collegues. I have to organise my life within the frames the society has created for me. I have to plan many things in my life instead of letting things happen spontaneously.

When I think about the things that made me happy in life until now, it weren't the things I had planned in advance. The things that made me happy were the spontaneous things like falling in love and traveling around the world to meet people and see the beauty of our planet. For me it is clear that I want to have a life full of spontaneous moments. Right now I am too attached to my work, because I have to earn money. I am waiting for the moment where I am brave enough to say: 'Ok enough...from now on I will live a life full of spontaneous moments to reach a constant state of happiness'.