Ice Journal #8102031
Ice Journal #8102031
original poetry
On the frozen air to fly so far:
Yet through the snow a love untold
You soared through time & brought.
My star of aeons or,
(when I once was bold)
My youthful nebulae: I dreamed.
But mine was yours, so shared the orb
Of aspirance on far journeys set.
To the north! Or nothing,
I stayed behind; I sat in adolescence,
Scourge, that sentenced me to days
Of pain unwieldly and morose.
Ghasts gathered in my barn brain
And made me do such foolish things.
Spiderwebbing time reached and touched my cheek
But it was your hand. I was ill with delirium
Too weak to even for a stellar rem'dy seek.
Fate was a bypass bridge
For you to escape my somber rhythms.
For that, a hearty congratulations!
And a strobing wave goodbye
Across the sad piers,
Over the hills that weep.
My sadness was most happy
As I aged and truth sank in.
But how, still here to mend,
Do you say hello on a winter morn
Where stacks the gentle snow forlorn?
Notes
Poetry is a way of processing our life experience, transmuting it into something of beauty (hopefully.) I hope that if it is not something you do, you will consider giving it a chance. Don't worry about sharing with anyone if you don't want to! It's ok to keep it to yourself. There is a voice always telling us that what we create is not good, or not good enough. Growth in art is dependent on putting the voice of judgement in its proper place to aid in discrimination but not overstep its bounds.
In any case, I still maintain that poetry is "abstract journaling" when practiced in a more casual way. Here is one such entry from my journal. I share it in the hopes of constructing a bridge: may you also come join the conglomeration of poets who, in spite of all, still dream.
Written by
@d-pend
1/30/2018
Images areFree domain &
Edited by @d-pend.
Dude - what you've accomplished on this platform primarily as a poet - both in terms of production, positivity, network development and, of course, straight up profitability, is awesome. In the history of poetry you may already be among the most financially successful in real terms, and I know you've been working hard to make that a reality from the first day you arrived. In a lot of respects, as a purveyor of very niche content, you're networking abilities, attitude and consistency are something I strive to emulate.
@dber, my friend. This comment really got to me. Maybe because you were among the first people I connected with on this platform. I'm so thankful, man. In many ways it's a total dream come true. I've also been really happy to see you have support on the platform because your posts are always meticulously crafted and informative. Sorry I don't come around much. I think that's the main thing I'm facing right now, especially since I branched back into posting music: it simply takes me so long to create content that I struggle to have time for... much anything else.
I was so pleasantly surprised to hear what you said about being an example in the areas of networking, attitude, and consistency. I think your comment affected me so much because, at times as creators, we feel that no one really cares or notices our dedication to our craft. Thank you again. Have an awesome day!
Beautiful as always my man!
"There is a voice always telling us that what we create is not good, or not good enough."
I have to be honest and say I've never really had this issue, however that's not necessarily a good thing. It's hard for me to discern what is "good" or "bad" when it comes to my creations. They are all my creations, and come from inside of me, so they are all "good". It's just been very hard for me to objective about my music or writing.
I think the main reason it's hard for me to be objective is that none of it is objective. It's all about me. I don't mean this is any type of real "conceited" type of thinking, but I don't make my music or write for anyone else. I HOPE it might benefit other people, but really I write and make music to benefit myself and my soul. If other people like it, amazing, but yea... Just my 2 cents.
Thanks for the input man! Yeah, that's pretty good to hear that it's not an issue for you! The voice is pretty quiet for me now, but I used to be a wicked perfectionist. It caused me to not finish most projects that I started, or never release them. Which is why it's pretty crazy thatI'm able to be so prolific now. Maybe I stored all that creativity up all through my adolescence, lol.
Seriously though, that's awesome that you have that outlook. Keep it up!
I'll have to reread this again, slowly, @d-pend, to let it properly sink in... For now, mulling over that arresting coupling: "Spiderwebbing time". (I wonder, might you tell us something about the inspiration behind the near-archaic style you use here?)
I love what you say, here: "Growth in art is dependent on putting the voice of judgement in its proper place to aid in discrimination but not overstep it's bounds."
Thank you, for all you do for Poetry & introducing me to @dsound, today I moved onto @Dtube :)
Hmmm... I'm not sure where that came from, but I have enjoyed reading many archaic texts in the past- the older the better, really! (except when you start getting into Old English being a fully different, near-incomprehensible entity for modern speakers with strange spelling and the like.) I appreciate your note of gratitude and return it! I'm honored to be able to interact with and get feedback from a writer of your caliber and experience.
That's really cool that you started using @dtube too! Cheers!
That makes sense, Daniel, since we are what we read :) I admire the range of your voice & your ability to be always beginning & trying on something new.
Coming to Steemit has been a humbling experience for me, and I’m learning from you and other adventurous souls how to navigate this brave new word.
PS - Your meticulousness & attention to detail are not wasted on us.
I love this poem for a couple of reasons. First of all, it is incredibly expressive and relatable. Secondly, I love wintry and icy themes. There is something deep about the cold, the same way that a depression may freeze someone from living.
There were two particular lines I absolutely loved.
"Ghasts gathered in my barn brain".
The simple play of the two alliterations (if I can call them that way) is smart and leaves more impact with that imagery.
"My sadness was most happy
As I aged and truth sank in."
This was quite reflective. Sadness is not always 'bad'. Sure, it is not the most pleasant feeling. However, sadness is a necessary part of acceptance; and when there is truth behind the sadness, it is not as disturbing, it feels natural. It belongs.
And regarding the note: I agree. Write, write & write. Poetry is what got me out of my depression 4 years ago. Papers bore all those unbearable feelings that I used to have.
Sometimes I don’t understand your poems but still I enjoy reading them. They feel like there is something deep that these words wants to portray but my human brain ain’t that intelligent right now to understand it. But i still try my best.
By the way, in the second paragraph last sentence, the word “set” if deleted, journeys will rhyme with dreamed.
I think it would sound better then. Just my opinion.
I'm honored that you read them even if you find them confusing. I do my best to simplify where possible, because I want them to be understood. And I usually add the interpretation notes now, but for this one, I opted not to, because the meaning is quite personal.
Really appreciate the suggestion for the alteration as well! Cheers.
This is amazing,
To the north! Or nothing,
I stayed behind; I sat in adolescence,
Scourge, that sentenced me to days
Of pain unwieldly and morose.
This verse here wields sombre feelings its so calm yet a bit intense and beautiful, although the use of words is a bit sophisticated it makes it even amazing
Hey @josediccus, thanks for that feedback! It always helps to gauge which parts made the biggest impact on my audience :-D Hope you've been well!
Well isn't it even pleasant that you take time to reply all your comments that shows attitude, I met a user @rensoul17 and she told me how your poems have made impact on her, I've met you from way back and here we are, and it's been the best thing ever, even @dobartim talks of you
Keep up the amazing talent buddy, you're the man of the moment
I try to reply to all of them, generally - I'm afraid I've done a poor job of it, at times. But I really am grateful for people to read/listen to my work, so the least I can do is thank them with a conversation! @rensoul17 and @dobartim are great friends of mine, and the impact is mutual! Glad to know and interact with you for quite some time on the platform too @josediccus, thanks for your hard work on the platform!
Certainly buddy I'm planning to do a series em maybe you could give me your discord server so I can inbox you?
@d-pend, Ice journal was really amazing poem to me. Its feel my heart deeply. Seriously deep meanings indeed. Sky's stars designs can help meditate my mind. So cool designs.
Actually poetry being hopefully life succeeding method. I know all ones accept it.
You provided steemit community from various system. I like variation any-time. God bless you!
Hey @madushanka, really glad it made an impact on you! I appreciate you always stopping by and leaving interesting comments :-) Have an awesome day!
Somehow I missed this poem. But was at the time you wrote this that I began to share poetry here. Your invitation was so strong I could hear it without reading it. Your writing compels inner reflection, meditation and cooperation beyond our fears and self criticism.
thanks for awesome dream poetry n love 😍
This is beautiful..
Poetry is a way of expression for me, i have written a few that i keep to myself, i hope to share them soon when i'm more comfortable