Friendzoned out! - Fiction-ish

By Clem Onojeghu on Unsplash

I remember her like yesterday, short, set in hourglass, bitchy af. The object of my love. Sometimes self-love. She was always with her minion. Ruth something. The minion would carry her books and water bottle while she drifted like a swan.

First day of college, I'd helped her with orientation. She had the attention span of a hummingbird. I did most of the things for her. She'd been very thankful. Twice. The next morning she'd gone gracefully from my bed and moved to that of my roommate - Scott Patterson.

Scott is a player and a playa. He changes girlfriends faster than his underpants. He chose the perfect time to display his well-muscled grotesque body to get Mana Mener.

Yes, that's her name. She'd made it cooler by calling herself M. Anyway, Mener as I now call her mounted Scott before he could show some moves, without glancing back.

Later that day she was back for help. She had this way about her, always looking so helpless that I relented. Her minion had deserted her. But this time no nookie.

Like a sucker, I helped her every time she came at a personal cost. I didn't remember my schedule but knew hers by heart. I was beginning to miss classes, my grades dropped but I'd become the new minion. She spent morning fucking up my life and nights fucking Scott. There I was across the room, watching the saddest porn of all time. I loved her.

My friend Kwan is a matter of fact dude who might as well be invisible. Even he noticed my absence. He asked me one day "why do you like her? Is it physical?" He also called me a lot of names, I can’t reveal.

I was stumped for a while but I thought about it and I love that girl's confidence. I don't think I could ever be have that confidence based on nothing. I shrink in the shadows and she shines. There was something sexy about it. Of course it doesn't hurt that she looks like sex personified. The more time I spent with her, the harder it got. But Scott got it harder. I was near my snapping point so I did the most sane thing.

I went cold turkey. She approached me, I looked the other way. I stopped taking her calls and deleted her number. She went around looking like a sick puppy. Her minion was back with her. It’s crazy that this woman never runs out of people to fawn over her.

But one day as I walked into my room, I found her sprawled on my bed in no clothes. Since I’ve often dreamt about this, I had to pinch myself. It was real alright.

Next morning as I was walking on sunshine, her minion Ruth comes to her and takes her by the hair dumping her in the fountain.

She comes to me and says “I used to like you but you’re weak and pathetic. Go ahead, date the biggest slut in the school. The only reason she went out with you is because I was interested in you.”

Ouch.