Requests for assistance

Of course,I understand that my story - baby snot, when compared to other stories here. But I really can't take it anymore. Yes, you can say that I was just another little girl who wanted to play love, but I assure you it is not. Start from the beginning. Nothing original. Met a boy online, he lives in another city, not near, but if you want to meet would be possible. After 6 days, our communication, I began to feel sympathy. Late I'm already attached to him, but I always knew and understood that he was nothing like me does not feel. I was just as a remedy for boredom, as the man who is always ready to help him who is willing to sit on the Internet for him all night, don't care what school in the morning. He was like a teacher (although older than me by only 2 years), I explained that I did not understand, showed a lot of interesting things, that I loved.
He told me about his girls, ask for advice, I sobbed, wrote that happy for him, really gave advice. Recently we ceased to communicate. For 3 months I miss you and I continue to cry almost every night and has done for 2 years until felt terrible pain. Of course, sometimes lets go and seems to be getting better. These 2 years really took it out of me. Was apathy, self-harm (habit not to allow the wounds to heal remained still, so I'm still all scabbed), thoughts of suicide, too, was and still is. I lost friends, but that's another story, I lost someone I loved, although it was never my feelings I confessed, because, as mentioned earlier, always knew that it was not important to him. I tired to wallow in her tears. Seriously, almost always crying. I was advised to escape, I tried, went out with other guys, but I did not perceive. Every guy looking for something similar to my sun, but nothing. Have fun day or night the tears back. Very shocked with the fact that the man I had never seen, became everything. Today, in a fit of hysteria, I came again thinking about suicide and that it can't work, I decided to write here in the hope that at least here will help me, because the friend does not know how to calm me down, I feel that I have bored her with all of this. Strength to endure no longer exists