First and foremost I must say that is fake news. We are in no way balding or even thinning for that matter. We may go on the occasional crash diet but that is about the extent of out thinning out. To answer your question though I will say it is much like my haircut, layers. First and foremost we use a special shampoo shipped in from somewhere in southeast Asia. I can not divulge anymore on the location as it is a highly guarded secret. Next, we get a daily scalp massage using baby penguin feathers that have been soaked in lavender. The final layer is directly after showering my hair is blown dry by the top 20 witnesses. It takes years for them to perfect this and to get the lung capacity to finish the job in 1 sitting so that is why you rarely see any of the top 20 move out of their spots. If they do drop out they probably got Emphezima. I hope this was helpful. Please feel free to shoot me any other questions you have.