Excessive beating

My parents were never proud of me, everytime I look back at my past I only feel regret. Was I a bad child, did I do something wrong? Those questions will never be answered. I never fully understood what they were trying to tell me, whether it was day or night, their words didn't reach me. I was too absorbed in the fantastic creation of japanese animation, my life revolved around it, I was living in it, in my dreams or when awake. My mind was inside an animation.

Hours and hours went by, flying away from my sight while I sat there focusing my eyes on the screen, my left hand on my mouse.
I was in pain, emotional and physical, I couldn't stop myself. The pain grew but I ignored it, went on, my thoughts only on my goal.

My parents talking about me in the background, but that was irrelevant, it didn't matter.
I was already in a trance-like state, nothing could have stopped me.
After finishing, what had to be done, would I feel proud of myself? Would that compensate for the lack of parental affection?
Probably, crossing my limit was all I needed. I had to do it, to prove myself that I am not that incompetent brat my father always called me.

Yes, I had to feel proud of myself to become happy. So I endured the pain and let it out, all the pressure that I have saved for months was gone. The weight that put me down, was removed. My soul finally found peace.
So I took a few tissues and upvoted that video.
I left the room a changed man, a proud man, a happy man.