I Got Mentally Abused As A Child By My Father And His Girlfriend

My dad left me when i was 12,
But lets start this story at the beginning.

My dad was a computer nerd. He lived for programming computers, making codes, hacking systems and modding every electronic device he came across. There were guys in suits coming to our humble tiny house paying my father a shitload of money to Hack things for them.
My Father was a gangster right? Putting his family and newborn in danger
When ps1 came out, the first thing he did was buy me one, Mod it so i could play illegally downloaded games and not spend a dime. Got me movies that just got out in America, we live in europe so that saved us MONTHS of waiting.
My Father was pretty cool right? Putting me in front of a TV so he wouldn't have to give me any attention

When i was 6 my parents got divorced, My dad left my mom for another woman.
My father never wanted children. He really didn't want me in his life ever.
But as soon as my parents went to court i was his baby girl. He had loved me every day and felt so blessed by god that he got me. his little girl.
My mom wanted full custody but she didn't get it. Because my father played the act so well.
For what purpose? he hated my existence.
He wanted to get to my mom.And the only way how was to take away her little girl.

When the divorce was final i went to spend the weekends at my fathers place.
It started great. He had put on some Barbie doll wallpaper in my own little room. We baked waffles together. It was amazing!
But it didn't last long. That day my life stopped. That day i met my new step mother.
She was so nice the first 10min. playing with my dolls , asking about my school.
But her act didn't last long. When my father had just turned his back she told 6yo me :
'You're daddy is mine, he loves me more , and you will not stand in the way of this'
The next years my weekends with daddy were terrifying. I cried every time she entered the house, i was filled with fear because i knew what was coming for me. She would take me apart in my room and tell me that nobody loves me, my father never wanted me. I'm worthless , a disgrace ,all my classmates hated me and i had no friends because i was fat and ugly.

My self esteem as a 6yo girl was nowhere to be found. I was a child and suffered from depression.
And as cruel as kids can be, my classmates noticed me being weak and depressed and i got bullied. A lot. And they really all started to hate me just as she intended.

It got worse and worse. She never laid a hand on me. She was to smart for that. But she made sure that this child was bleeding on the inside.
She started buying me the ugliest clothes she could find. I would cry to my father that i hated them and didn't want to wear them , that i would get bullied in school. But he didn't care.I had to do as she said so.
The bullying got worse every day.
They did this with pleasure. She enjoyed to see me cry of embarrassment. She enjoyed seeing me getting more depressed every day. She enjoyed telling me everynight when she tucked me in, that im an disgrace and my father would be much happier if i wasn't around anymore. And he didn't care

They put me down by doing little things.

She would feed my food that made me puke instantly, after i puked i had to go back to the table and finish my plate. I slept on the table, woke up on the table still having this plate of food in front of me.And it lasted for 3 days.My father watched me sitting there but didn't give a crap. Until i could finally go back home to my mom.

My father would tell every kids parents that i had a crush on this guy. With resulted in more bullying , more shaming, the whole school played this act that this guy was into me for valentines day. and i was soo happy. and when i went to him in the middle of the playground asking him to be my valentine. Everyone laughed and yelled that i was to ugly for him i could never get him, what did i think hahahaha. i was 8 when this happened.

She would bad mouth me to the kids in our street. That i was weird and dangerous.It resulted in being bullied more.
He would make me read books and yell them on my balcony to other kids down the street. These kids thought i was weird and crazy. And i got bullied more.
My mom let me take dance lessons. It was this big event , i worked 2 years to be performing on this show. But it fell on a saturday and i was at my fathers. And on this special day. They forbid me to go and kept me inside.

Every moment i had with my dad she would get so jealous. When i sat next to him she pushed me to the side and sat in-between us.

Me and my father went to this electronic shop when i was 10 i think. We got a big suitcase were we could fit 1000 burned disc's. Me and my dad started to bond over computers , i was fascinated with burning movies on disc's , hacking websites, systems and reassembling computers . We came home and sorted out every dvd we ever burned in alphabetical order. We spend 2 whole days on this. I think we didn't even sleep.

And then my stepmom entered. She told my father that if he ever looked at a computer or burned dvd again she would leave him. So my father decided to give up his life passion for this woman. But she didn't care about that. She saw that my father started to feel love for me. We shared an interest , and she needed to stop that.

These 6 years of my life excited of me living in fear. being heavily bullied at school. I Puked every morning out of stress. My Hair fell out, i stopped talking and was depressed.
She told me everyday : your father hates you, you have no friends, you're ugly, you're fat, you should go away. everyone will be happier is you would JUST FACKING GO AWAY.

My Father knew about this. But i guess he never really cared enough to do something about it.

I was a child with suicidal thoughts on a daily bases. I wanted to kill myself but didn't know how. I wanted to free everyone from their misery, the misery i brought to them by existing. That woman took my childhood. When i was 12 i finally decided to kill myself. After hearing for years that i was ugly and fat. I got anorexic on purpose. I looked at videos of girls dying from this disorder and that was my goal. Not to be skinny but to die from the organ failure it brought upon.

My stepmom knew what i was doing. She knew i tried to take my life to end the suffering. She saw that i was so skinny that i could collapse any day and never wake up. So she Facked me over one last time, before i was gone i needed to feel pain one more time.

She made my dad choose between me and her.
And he chose her.