There are no limitations...

In the year of 2003 I got divorced after a short marriage full of stress and even some violence.
Apparently my husband wasn't really a mature guy, we were both very young and impulsive.
I had to leave the house with help of a good friend and with protection of the police.
I left almost all my belongings behind.
I only took my 3 cats, washing machine and personal things. Not so much...but I was free!
And the most important thing was I had my daughter with me in safety.

The next 2 years were hell full of threats, fear, job lost and more...
But I found a nice and responsible man and we went to live together. My daughter got a stable home, although we didn't have much. We started with some garden furniture and tv on the empty beer and build everything up together again.

After a few years my ex husband handed me over a pack of letters with smile saying: I have those too...
The ground started to shake underneath my feet...The letters came from tho court.
Apparently I had a debt of 80.000 euro!
All these years my ex husband didn't pay any monthly payments to the bank and the house was sold with a huge debt.
He didn't tell me. Our divorce took 2 years and non of the agreements we made he carried out. Law is very simple in these things, black and white and says I have to pay because we were still married in that time...

I was very lucky with the legal procedure, could show that i din't take a part in creating this debt and had to pay only little of this huge debt over the period of 3 years. These 3 years felt almost like a prison to me. But it gave me much strength, patience and especially trust. Trust in my self.

During the last year of my debt paying I was reading the book Urban Shaman from Serge Kahili King...the American who became shaman on Hawaii. Modern kind of shaman. His books are amazing as I found out later.
When I finished this book I looked up the author on the internet. Never knew him before.
I found out he gives different courses in Hawaii. I was reading specifications of one of them and was like:
"Oh this is exactly what I would love to learn! It is not even that expensive...In the Netherlands a course like this would be much more expensive. But it is in Hawaii...nobody goes to Hawaii. It is so far. It is just for rich people right? Rich Americans..."

And then one sentence from the book appeared in my mind: "There are no limitations, only those we create ourselves." BAM!

That moment I decided to go to that course. I didn't know how I will pay for it but I knew I will go. And I decided one more thing; if I can do this I can do anything!

This was in Mei 2011 and I still got half year to pay for the debts with only leaving me 600 euro monthly to live from with my daughter and partner.

10th of February 2012 I received letter from the court; finally I was free.
Free of all debts, of my ex husband and to work as much as I wanted without sending all my money to the bank.

3rd of June 2012 I sat on the airplane to the Big Island of Hawaii

And not only me, but my 12 year old daughter, my boyfriend and even my mum went with me.
We would stay 3 weeks in Hilo, I would go to the 1 week course at Serge's and then we would travel to Honolulu where we would stay in the Circle hotel at Waikiki beach, with ocean view. Can you imagine a girl like me, born in kind of poverty, hard working to make some living and paying debts and now waking up to a turquoise ocean and blue skies? We even kept the curtains open to have this view first thing in the morning. It was amazing. I didn't even know how we pulled out but we did. We worked hard together with my boyfriend. We made many hours in our jobs, we sold lot of stuff and even stuff of another people which we picked up for free. I lost weight of 25 kilo too. ** And now I was in Hawaii!**

I will dedicate one post to that because it was to amazing to just write a few sentences and I am afraid I get to easily carry away while writing. i just love it and it seems I get carry away too easily while writing. I really love it and it looks like I am finally getting over my blocks. Sitting here with tears in my eyes...knowing there might be someone who reads this and feels empowered and motivated to never give up, to go for her or his dreams no matter the current situation.
We are not defined by that but by how we respond to all which is happening to us. We decide whether it will be a success of a failure. We decide if we put the limitations to our dreams....
No one else is responsible for our lives. I learn this much from the marriage, divorce and my travel to Hawaii. i was grateful for everything because if it didnt happened I wouldn't probably never found out how strong and limitless I am.

Wish you much love and strength on your path, live your dreams and never regret.