A letter from a helpful stranger

I got a letter a couple years ago from the guy in charge of background investigations for the F.B.I. .
He said that all my personal information they compiled on me had been stolen.
Everything .
And when the F.B.I. gets together with Der Vaterland Security, they are very thorough. I was going to work at the airport and have runway access, so they had to poke thru every kernel of corn, in every coil of my crap.
For the last ten years.
And I loves me some corn, so I'm sure it took a while to put together.
This background checking monkey person knew all of us would be upset, it was about 100,000 of us altogether, and his his way of consoling us was to confess that his information was stolen also.
All of it.
Hmmmm
That's not helping me any bruh.
However, anyone that buys my identity, to do anything, is going to be very disappointed.
I don't want my identity myself. Being me is not at all glamorous.
So I went about my bidness, not too concerned really.
And then the year after that, I got a letter from the I.R.S. saying they had kept the small amount I was due from my most recent filing, because I owed them from the year before.
OK, no problem, except it wasn't me that filed.
Someone had filed for an electronic return, but couldn't change my mailing address, because it would have raised a red flag.
Sorry 'bout your luck cousin, and fuck you, I'm probably gonna get audited now.
But I'm only writing this because there are some people out there that think I'm hiding.
They think they know something about me. Some bad thing I did.
So to those people I say, If you think you've got the high hand,
If you think you got some good cards,
you can't just show them to me,
you're gonna have to lay them down.