You'll never change.
People always end up the way they started out. No one ever changes. They think they do but they don't. If you are the depressed type now that's the way you will always be. If you are the mindless happy type now, that's the way you will be when you grow up. You might lose some weight, your face may clear up, get a body tan, breast enlargement, a sex change, it makes no difference. Essentially, from in front, from behind. Whether you are 13 or 50, you will always be the same. (C)
If you believe it, then it's true...for you.
The truth is that the mind, specifically beliefs, are a series of impressions, some relatively shallow and some deep. That much, many people grasp, but what many, perhaps most, fail to understand is the paradoxical nature of "uprooting" self-limiting beliefs.
One doesn't make a positive psychological transformation through exerting effort on changing one's beliefs. Rather, it's achieved by REMOVING EFFORTS TO CHANGE.
The effort to change asserts the beliefs that one wishes to change. If we go so far as to put special efforts into removing something, then we tell ourselves, subconsciously, that it's there - it exists - and this STRENGTHENS it.
The proper way is to just allow the self-judgments to happen as they do, and even the automatic efforts to overcome the perceived underlying causes, which is now a habitual thought process. By "allow", I mean that one must take a deeper step back into one's own awareness, such that they can "see" (really sense) the truth that all self-hate and/or self-judgment, and all the efforts to change that come out of it, are an automatic process and, this is important, all the thoughts and emotions that result from this habitual process is simply a "state" (of mind), not the "self".
This is an important insight, because it allows us to dissociate from the thoughts and emotions that were created out of all those aforementioned impressions, the very things that lead to our habitual lines of thought and reaction. It creates "space", or "distance", between one's sense of self (I) and one's current state of mind. Now that one's attention isn't entirely trapped inside of the small world of thoughts and emotions that are mostly the result of the impressions left on us by our upbringing (parents, education system, peers, etc.), they get the real sense of freedom to change perspective and/or to choose their beliefs.
An easy way to both highlight what I've said and make it easy to remember is the following saying: "where attention goes is where identity grows."
In other words, if one strongly identifies with their own thoughts/ beliefs (don't give them "space" by being a bit more self-aware), then that identity will feel very real and thus have a great power over them - they likely won't be able to change their ways of thinking/ behaving. If, on the other hand, one is more self-aware and, therefore, realizes that their unconscious mind is essentially acting out a program, then no such powerful identity exists in one's thoughts/ beliefs.
From this clear, "non-attached", state of mind, one may choose to self-program (self-hypnosis), put their trust into someone else to re-program their subconscious mind (hypnosis), or to allow the "seeing" to clear the bullshit for what it is (power of insight - meditation).
Hypnosis can be effective at causing change up to the point that one trusts/ believes that it can. Typically, hypnosis wouldn't be powerful enough to uproot the deepest impressions on the mind, at least not without a lot of meditating to "loosen it up". However, enough meditation will bring space and, in time, the space will grow, and the more it grows the more light it will bring to the true nature of one's thoughts/ beliefs/ emotions. It's of the nature of a mind that seeks truth about itself to reveal its delusions (have insight into one's true nature). Once the truth is seen about any single impression on the mind, the effects of it are released, including built up emotions about it, which is what makes the thought/ belief powerful in the first place; hence, they are overcome.
So, while it's true that meditation is a useful tool for stress relief, this use only begins to scratch at the surface. In truth, meditation sets straight who we really are, at the core of our being. When one goes "deep" enough, there's no longer any confusion about identity. It's seen that identity is a choice and any character can be created and identified with, if one chooses. In reality, the only limiting factors are scope of insight, intellectual capacity, and level of creativity (the first and last, of which, carry the most weight).
One might be surprised by how creative they become (discover themselves to be), when they can free their mind from attachments to unnecessary habits of thought/ behavior. The truth sets us free :)
It's possible but it's not easy, and it will never be easy. Your art is very inventive and I hope it brings you purpose, if not a little joy.
Interesting but I don't necessarily agree. People change all the time, not only there physical body but there souls as well. That's just how I feel anyway. Good post tho!