Phantoms in my mind, dementia is unkind.
As I get older, I find that I am not as sharp as I once was. I forget where I put things. I forget lyrics and verses that I thought I could never forget. I will be driving down a road or a route that I traveled often but it no longer looks as familiar to me, and I get a little lost. People tell me that it is because I have a lot going on, or that I am just distracted and not giving my full attention to what is going on. At only 45, I tell myself this too, but the phantom is in my head and I am afraid.
My grandmother had dementia. She was not a pleasantly confused, little sweet white-haired granny that you might envision. She wasn't going down without a fight, and now I realize that she was probably aware that she was losing her mind and terrified. She would imagine that people were trying to break into her home at night, and would bar herself inside her mobile home by wedging chairs under the doorknobs. She was sharp enough at this time to put flour under the windows and by the doors to catch the perps leaving footprints, but there were never any there. Once, she was put into the hospital for altered mental status and they put her on the heart unit because she was having stroke-like symptoms. They moved her quickly to geri-psyche because she was going room to room, looking for her gun so she could shoot the man that put her in that hospital. It was kind of amusing then, but I don't find it as funny now. She was scared of the phantom in her mind.
My mother was always afraid she would go down that same path. She was getting a little forgetful as the years went by, and her moods would fluctuate a great deal sometimes. I think as she was nearing the end of her life, her memory was getting worse also. Her greatest fear was that she would get as bad as her mother and sister, and I think God honored her by not allowing her to find out how bad it would get. I miss her terribly, but I am glad she was rescued at a younger age from the phantom that was trying to get her.
I am trying to be the best person I know how to be, with the help of the Bible and prayer. I am currently in school getting my bachelor's degree and may go on to higher learning. I do want to be accomplished, but in the back of my mind I am trying hard to stimulate the neurons in my brain to put up a defense to dementia. I am trying to find something interesting for my hands to do to stay busy, so that if dementia happens to me I can have enough muscle memory to stay busy doing something. Dementia patients that are productive are generally happier, and if I am learning something new as often as I can then it should help something. Every time I forget something, there is that little thought in my mind that I am going to lose it. A phantom is defined as a figment of the imagination, a delusion (also as a ghost, but those don't bother me as bad as this). I hope this all turns out to be nothing more than a phantom.
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STOPIt is a tough thing to deal with. Awesome. Thank you. I'm Doctor Oatmeal Joey Arnold Oregon.
Thanks Doc! I think Steemit will be a good addition to the plan. Good luck to you!
At least you're aware of the problem and are facing it in a responsible way. Stay active, eat healthy, drink lots of water, practice a diet that has shown to reverse or prevent dementia and remain stress and worry free and I think you'll be A OK.
Thanks for the encouragement! I really appreciate it. :)
Ooof, this hits close to home for me, my grandmother is suffering from dementia and is declining quickly :( I have often told people that speaking with her is like communicating with a ghost of her former self, she is in there somewhere. We live in different provinces so I can't see her often, last time I visited I was afraid she wouldn't know who I was, she couldn't remeber my name but she knew me and was hugging me and saying it's you! It's her! will you stay with me 😭 I am terrified every time I visit she will no longer know me
Thank you for sharing such personal thoughts and it fits well with the theme, I'm feeling emotional now.
Oh juliakponsford, I feel you. My grandmother was finally put in the nursing home and lasted 8 years there. She only knew I was "her nurse". She couldn't remember my name but she knew I belonged to her. The best gift I ever received was when I went by to check on her after work the day she died, and she looked at me and called me by name. I don't know how, but it was precious. Blessings to you.
😢 I will see her in two weeks, she has just been put in a home because the care routine was too much for my family, apparently she likes it though she has always been quite social and has made some friends, she carries little plushies in her purse, so cute she's like a child again, at least she seems fairly happy though I am sure she is scared sometimes as well it must be very confusing.
Coloring simple pics, folding washcloths and towels; things like that are helpful in my experience. Even if she forgets who you are, just learn to be who she thinks you are. I'm glad she sounds happy.
Thanks for the advice she seems to love art and music :) she also seems to like washing the counter hundreds of times so the counter is very clean!
I joke about it to myself and others and call it early Alzheimer's but it is real.
My mother had a refrigerator magnet:
Of all the things I have lost I miss my mind the most.
Makes us believe that it happens to us all, whether for reassurance or warning.
We keep lists and leave things by the door that we know we will need next time out, and just take our time to quell the busy brain thing that gets in the way of smooth action.
Most of all I have a sign in my office
It Is In God's Hands.
bchick you read my mind. It is reassuring to me that others can relate. It makes it a little more normal. Thanks so much for replying.
I could sense when I first read a post from you that we could relate to each other.
So beautifully written. My grandmother had dementia. She was 100 years old when she passed on. The final years of her life was spent in mental confusion. She couldn't remember her husband or her children. She constantly talked about long buried memories from her childhood.
Wow coloringship, she made it to 100! Let's just say that she had more living in her brain than the rest of us. Seriously, I know it hurts to watch a loved one go through that. Thanks so much for sharing with me.
thank you for sharing your story, beautifully portrayed! Wishing you the best of health...
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Thank you so much!
Dementia is one of the scariest things around. My mom works in Elder care and is around it constantly, and my great aunt suffered complete memory loss before she passed away at the age of 93. Her dementia became so bad that she was completely unable to communicate, she would start a sentence, say two words, and before she was able to get the third word out she had forgotten the entire conversation. Some times I think she would have been better off had she not survived for so long, but I also cherished the smile that would come on her face whenever we visited. She didn't know who we were, but she knew we were special to her and that made her smile.
With Dementia being hereditary I think about the future and where I will be down the road, seeing how terrible the affects are first hand really makes you keep these things in mind.
Thank you for commenting. I agree that it seems so cruel that someone could last so long, but maybe there is something about memory loss that is humane and we just don't understand. Blessings to you.
My grandmother and my father has/had dementia and I would highly recommend harituki, an Oriental herb, that has been used for thousands of year to increase the blood flow and oxygen to the brain. Thus countering the onset of Dementia. My Dad has had Alzheimer's for four years now and he is just about to start taking harituki. I'll keep you updated on how much it helps him.
Thanks again for writing this, I really appreciate you.
Thank you so much! I look forward to hearing about this herb.
You're welcome. Will keep you updated. I am extremely excited to see the changes in my father :)
this is very powerful.
But you are on to the answer in that final paragraph. And no, sorry that I don't mean the bible and prayer, although I have nothing against them. I mean by stimulating the mind continuously, you can fight back.
Genetics is only 5% of the results that you see. The rest is down to a thing called epigenetics.
Basically it's not the genes, but how they express themselves, and that gives us great power.
Look into it and you will see how you can be proactive. Don't give the chance for the undesired thing to manifest itself, through lifestyle choices and conscious actions.
I'm wouldn't be the best person to explain it to you, but very sympathetic to your situation. I am only a few years older, and I see the changes in my brain too.
And they are scary.
Almost enough to make me consider lifestyle changes, and conscious choice of action.
:)
if you wanna talk about it, I'm here. And there.
big hugs
Thanks Spaingaroo! I have also started exercising and cutting out sugar. I need to lose weight but also because I think getting back to the diet they had 200 years ago might be preferred for mental changes. Good luck to you.