2018-SHINE ME despite what they think. BE your authenticity.

January was... a humbling month.
Twists and turns and transformations.
Facing old wounds and shadows once again.
Having to learn forgiveness for myself- for closing my heart and holding it in.
For not shining.
When on the inside I want to scream,
but i’m feeling trapped in my body.

A month that i’m faced with having to choose between
appeasing someone’s perception of me, or being who I am truly.
Of learning to disentangle chords,
chords that keep me chained, that revolve around what they think.
Vs breaking free.
Metaphorically,
flying.

Last january,
Ironically,
I was SO free.
Living at camp.
Fighting for the Earth with my newfound soul family.
It was life changing.
Amazing.
What a change it has been being at home in Atl.
Being involved in the film industry.
What a different world.

And in this world, when I am being me,
I draw unwanted attention.
Eyes of jealousy.
misunderstandings.
When I think, oh it’s so rigid.
SO not my world.
How can I bring more of me?
I think about bringing sage,
I bring my mat,
my own plate,
and focus on sustainability and spirituality.
Meditate.
do yoga.
Walk around with bare feet.
Sing.
This is how I find me and continue shining.

I almost backed away, after learning about the way everyone was judging me.
This is why I surround myself with conscious minded people,
That also seek truth, freedom, and
comm-unity.

In this world of doing what you’re told, following the mold, I feel like a lone wolf.
I was breaking out slowly, until things got serious and began getting to me.
Embarrassing.
Regret. Targeted.
disgust.
Wtf, really?!

Thankfully I have friends that remind me of
what’s important
I appreciate Lou for encouraging me
to be me despite what they think
because no matter what
they will be thinking something
so I might as well do what makes me happy..

This followed me into my dream
Last night, I gave a little fuck as I did a cartwheel in an open area of a cafeteria. I knew people would see.
Then, I stopped giving a fuck and started sweeping through the air like a hero, one hand first and doing turns. Cause I WANTED to. Cause it FELT GOOD.
I Started doing flips in the air and flying and not giving a care how weird they think I am.

So to my friend from set
I appreciate you for the illumination of how my actions are perceived
to be conscious of those around me
of the affect “doing me” has on you and them
that almost stopped me...
but now I embrace the challenge it gives me to not give a fuck what they think
and do what makes me happy