Revelation of an Autobot

In collaboration with my mental health provider, I have come to recognize that I am on the autism spectrum. This core difference has always set me apart from society, a truth I could not acknowledge due to clinical, social, and familial neglect and misidentification. During the eras of my upbringing, this neurological distinction was reserved for white males, leaving me, a woman of color, excluded from this recognition, much like many other aspects of my challenging existence.

For years, I felt a sense of alienation and struggled to articulate my feelings and experiences. I wore different personas, both figuratively and literally (as an actress on IMDB), to fit in. I grappled with depersonalization and derealization, often coming across as blunt or even mean to others. Touch and certain stimuli deeply upset me, and injustice compelled me to confront perceived threats relentlessly. Despite these challenges, I found solace in my passions, research, and writing, areas where I excelled.

Discovering my autism spectrum identity through self-reflection and with the support of the community (VTC) has been transformative. It has provided me with self-actualization, closure, and a renewed perspective on my life. I've gained the courage to embrace my differences and have found love and acceptance, just as my grandfather used to say, "agape love." This newfound understanding has illuminated the darkness that once surrounded me, offering a sense of purpose and hope for the future.

I'm amazed at the depth of self-discovery this journey has brought me. I no longer view myself through the lens of societal stereotypes. Instead, I appreciate my uniqueness and value. I have stopped harming myself internally and have not given up on myself or others. The sense of desolation that haunted me is gradually fading away. I am confident that my differences do not diminish my worth; rather, they signify a unique path ahead. I firmly believe that I have a special purpose in life, guided by a higher power. With this newfound understanding and acceptance, I am moving forward with faith, knowing that I will be just fine.

Here are some informative videos I watched that help me find the words I couldn't grasp.