10 Bar Hacks You Should Know About
1 Shots.
So you want a shot of tequila?
Ask the bartender for a tequila martini, no dry vermouth. Here or she may look at you weird for a second to try and figure that out, but when they finally get it, they will dump a bunch of tequila in a pint glass and start shaking your "shot".
Depending on the bar, you could be getting the difference between 1 ounce and 2.5–3 ounces for a couple/few extra dollars. Go ahead and ask for a lime twist while you're at it, it's not only cool looking but it completely changes the aromatics of the drink and gives most bartenders a chance to try and twist a lime for the first time.
Just to take this a step further, when you ask for a Grey Goose martini, you're actually getting a chilled shot of vodka. More than half of the bartenders out there don't even put dry vermouth in their martinis, and the other half that will "rinse" the glass with the dry vermouth are wasting product because you can't even taste that. It's a placebo, you can't taste it!
2 Did you order a Martini or a Manhattan?
Vermouth is a PERISHABLE grape based product, and it only gets used sparingly. This means it sits on a shelf, typically above room temperature because of the lights it's next to or the refrigerator that's blowing warm air on it.
It probably has a pour spout on it for easier pouring of the 1/8 oz they are ignorantly portioning out. So now it's a heavily oxidized perishable product that is heated and has fruit fly's floating in it because they love that shit.
Find a bar that has its vermouth's in a refrigerator, and if they do, then they probably have some awesome vermouth's you've never had before.
3 "Oh I don't like Gin"
Do you know how often I hear this? And do you know how many times I make people a very simple drink made out of an aromatic Gin or made out of a great tequila (because now there is actually a lot of great tequilas out there that taste nothing like the Jose Cuervo Gold that your parents used to feed you when you're 13 years old and is what made you throw up when you were 19).
Just ask for a Hendricks Gin margarita but hold the Orange Liqueur, and have them shake it really hard, not too sweet. Or do the same but ask for tequila. Bartenders do fuck this one up all the time but when done right it's so delicious. Not to sweet, not too tart, and not too spirituous.
Long story even longer:
2 oz Hendricks Gin or Herradura Tequila
.75 oz fresh lime
.75 simple syrup (1:1 ratio sugar to water)
Shake for 10 seconds. Serve up or on the rocks.
If they don't have simple syrup, then put 3 baggies of sugar in the drink, it won't all dissolve and gives a nice texture to the cocktail.
Even longer story: This drink would technically be a substitution on a Traditional Daquiri. Some say it's a gimlet but if you ask for that you're getting Roses lime. Roses lime is like the Monsanto of bar ingredients.
4 Don't go to Bars, go to Bartenders.
There are a lot of "servers" behind bars; people who work their bartending gig as a necessary inconvenience in life to pay the bills and get through school. Others are put back there because they are hot. And then there are others that just don't give a shit. You'll know when you're in front of someone who is into what they are doing, and it translates into the whole experience. They don't have to be a rockstar, a therapist, a joke telling trickster, or a mixologist. They might even be an asshole or somewhat quiet...But hopefully you get as many of these traits in one bartender who is into what he is doing whether he has been doing it for 1 year, or 20. Then Sometimes you'll find a Unicorn. Unicorns are thought not to exist, but every once and a while you'll find the right box in the matrix and you'll be in front of a Master. Take notes.
5 Try something new.
Not every drink is going to get you a "hangover" and you're so scared of said hangover you order a Skinny Bitch (Vodka/Diet) or a Vodka Soda like an anxiety ridden bulimic from West Hollywood.
(Ok, insert disclaimer: 1. I am personally happy to make you a vodka soda, because that's what you want, and it's real fucking quick and easy to make.
Disclaimer 2. Not everyone ordering these have eating disorders. But I would say they have a mild drinking disorder that can be cured by Bar Hack #4.)
6 Bartender's Choice.
Depending on the bartender, because they do come to work with egos, pet peeves, and hangovers... Tell him or her you want to try something new. Anything they want. Maybe a cocktail he's been working on, a cocktail he's wanted to try lately, or give them a theme of some kind so he knows which general direction to go. Fruity and citrusy, spirit forward, sweet, dry... Madagascar (everything is found In Madagascar).
If he gives you an irritated look and puts a shot and a beer in front of you (Boiler Maker), smile and say thank you.
Then ask for a margarita. It's the litmus test for a bartender. If that doesn't come out right then go to another bar, or another bartender.
If you have an interest in trying new things and learning new things, which this generation does, then express interest to your 'tender and hopefully they'll be stoked because its a chance for them to creatively express themselves and teach someone some things they have learned.
Or they will be packing a mustache and red suspenders and look at you with a pretentious eye as if you're going to take over their bartending job one day. Fuck those guys, it's the hospitality industry!
7 Mixing Alcohol.
Mixing liquors does change the type of buzz you get. If you look at some websites about this subject it says We probably all know this, and it is true. Vodka gin rum Tequila brandy Rye mixed with Crazy liqueurs mixed with juices and acids and sugars, totally makes for a frenetic drunk and an earlier black out when too much is consumed.
Each body comes from a different gene pool that has been doing its thing for 1000's of years, so some spirits work better with some bodies than others. (Or you're genes are used to being pickled and you can mix anything you like)
Try this: drink one type of spirit, (one brand if you can) all night one night and feel out how your body likes it, or what kind of buzz it's giving you. I'll tell you right now a tequila buzz is a lot different than a whiskey, and wine is totally different than beer.
Not all gins are created equal, and rum is... Well, you'll see.
8 If you are on vacation or in a new place...
Bartenders in tourist destination locations hear the same thing all day everyday. You guys are saying it for the first time, we are hearing it for the 1000th. If you can find a way to switch it up, just a little bit, it's appreciated. I'll tell you right now, the Middle America, McDonalds eating, lost white tourist in matching floral print, that voted for Bush, twice, is probably not reading this right now. If you are? Awesome. SWITCH IT UP!
9 Don't come into a bar expecting anything.
The person who comes in, even subconsciously, hoping to get something for free, can be spotted by a good bartender almost before they sit down. I don't care if it's your birthday, or your graduation, or your 3rd time in that week. Be stoked you got charged for everything and and tip well. You will be respected. You might even get something from the bartender for it, but don't let this be your motivation. Laws of Karma do not work this way.
10 Mixologist?
The modern term Mixologist arose from the ashes of the consummate professionals that elevated cocktail culture in the 2000's. These same people typically detest the title. BUT, it is productive to have a household name such as this. Most professionals in this industry that I know prefer to just be called Bartender.
Whether they call themselves Barman, Liquid Chef, Chief Mixologist, Princicpal Bartender, or Bar God Almighty, they had better have Hospitality as their #1 virtue.
In conclusion, these Hacks should help out when going out, and here are a few more tips: Don't be those new guys who just got out of mixology school thinking they know everything and sit at a busy bar at 8pm asking about the difference between maceration and infusion.
If you ask "where did you go to bartending school?" get ready for a smart ass retort.
If a bartender is an asshole, realize that just might be his sense of humor and play along a little bit.
Watch "Hey, Bartender" for an idea where cocktail culture was in 2011-2013.
As they say in Hawaii,
Okole Maluna!
Bottoms UP!
Joshua James
Bartender