Satoshi Nakamoto returns to Bitcointalk: “I am not Craig S. Wright”

On april 1st 2019, a new post has popped out on the Bitcoin Discussion forum of Bitcointalk.org. In an unexpected turn of events, Satoshi Nakamoto himself has reactivated his account for the first time in years to deliver a clear message: he is not Craig S. Wright and is still among us patiently waiting for the last BTC to be mined in 2140.

This is really great news for cryptocurrency fans all around the world, as the Australian academic and businessman can no longer claim that he has “the vision” with his forked coin, and we all know that Satoshi is alive and kicking.

Uncharacteristically for his style, yet in line with contemporary culture, the cypherpunk has also attached a cryptic meme which depicts a three-way collage of the BSV altcoin leader, Carlos Matos of Bitconnect, and Elizabeth Holmes of Theranos. The text on this prophetic delivery simply reads “What do these people have in common?”. However, the meaning is yet to be deciphered.

In order to better understand the peculiar phenomenon and make sure that this isn’t just another case of an April Fool’s joke on a potentially hacked forum account, we have contacted Ashton University lecturer Jake Greeve.

The academic, who previously ran a thorough analysis of Satoshi Nakamoto’s writing, has confirmed to us that the use of punctuation and phrasing are indeed a match, so whoever posted the message is either Satoshi or somebody who has spent hundreds of hours practicing in order to appropriate the style.

In regards to the cryptic meme, Dr. Greeve said that it represents a natural evolution of Satoshi’s linguistic expression. “The thin frames, the large pictures which acknowledge some of the best known lying sociopaths of our time, and the open-ended question are all signs of authenticity”, he added.

Crypto Insider’s team of digital image specialists have generated a higher-resolution version of Mr. Nakamoto’s meme, as a way of trying to identify hidden details. You may find the result below.

If Satoshi wants to see us in 2140, does that mean that he’s immortal alien?
According to Ancient Aliens producer and Erich von Daniken ancient aliens theory expert George Tsokaloos, it’s very likely that Bitcoin was created by “Anunnaki astronauts who decided to help the humankind move away from gold”.

When asked about the legitimacy of nChain scientist Craig S. Wright, Mr. Tsoukaloos simply replied “He’s most likely a reptilian shapeshifter who undergoes an undercover sabotage of galactic proportions. It’s likely that it was him and Satoshi Nakamoto who were depicted on the Great Pyramid of Giza.

This forgotten image suggests that the Bitcoin creator has been among us for millennia, and may be anything from a benevolent alien to a time-traveling astronaut. “Anything and anyone but Craig Wright”, says the reputed alien researcher.

Crypto Insider has contacted Satoshi Nakamoto to comment on the strange message he posted. At press time, he hasn’t replied.

Disclaimer: Happy April Fools’ Day! This article is a satire and should be treated as such.