BitShares Hit by Cat 5 Miracle of HEROic Proportions

"Adventures, nasty things, make you late for Summer." - Bilbo Baggins

But "This Summer" is officially here! The biggest BitShares news since 2.0 stormed its way ashore last summer, er, two summers ago can now be told. (Sorry it's taken a year longer than planned, but hey, we're talking miracles here.) I actually drafted most of this article more than a year ago.

Hurricanes and Tornados have categories based on strength, why not Miracles? Historically, it appears it was just as easy for Jesus to do a big Cat 5 Miracle as it was for a little Cat 1, so I’ll base my scale on the degree to which I am personally impressed.

Category 1 Miracles, e.g. Changing Water into Wine

This is clearly a miracle, as described in John 2:1-11, because it violates all known laws of physics. Nevertheless, I give it a mere Cat 1 rating because, hey, I could simulate such a miracle myself with a glass of water and a couple fizzy tablets of freeze-dried Château Margaux. The miracle would then become more about how those tablets wound up back in 30 AD.

Category 2 Miracles, e.g. Walking on Water.

This is the next level of impressiveness because, as described in Matthew 14:22-33, I can’t think of any way to simulate it on the open Sea of Galilee in 31 AD. Still, it only rates a Cat 2 because it’s conceptually fairly simple. It just needs a way to generate the right inertially-stabilized force orthogonal to the bottom of my Nike’s every time they are completely in contact with water. This ought to be something Doc Brown could figure out given enough time in the lab with Marty’s hover board.

Category 3 Miracles, e.g. Resurrection of the Dead.

As described in John 11:38-44, this is a whole new category because it is, to say the least, computationally intractable. The number of individual operations required to reconstruct each and every decayed cell in a three-day old corpse is mind-boggling. I’ve seen the latest models of a living human cell. There are entire self-replicating chemical factories in there! Even repairing one such cell seems like it might require multiple teams of surgeons able to do reconstructive work on an atomic level. I’m going to have to put this into the category of requiring an omnipotent, omniscient Creator to pull it off. Still, it’s not as impressive as the next two categories, so it only gets a Cat 3 rating.

Category 4 Miracles, e.g. Co-evolution of DNA and the Cellular Machinery to Process it.

This is where we leave the realm of the mere supernatural and enter the domain of science, fiction. Here the universe randomly constructs the DNA specifications that describe how to assemble, say, a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader. This seems like it might be a bit harder than coming up with the private key that contains Satoshi’s main bitcoin stash without using a computer, but remember, we’re talking Cat 4 Miracles. Then we simultaneously need to generate, out of thought-free random mutations of primordial goo, a self-replicating cellular factory that can read that DNA spec and assemble said cheerleader from scratch. Both of those improbably random events need to occur at the same time and place with the DNA ticker tape conveniently pre-inserted into the perfectly functioning cellular factory’s tape reader. All without intervention of a Designer or any supernatural funny business. That would be cheating.

Category 5 Miracles, e.g. The Second Coming of BitShares

If you made it this far, congratulations, you are clearly a True Believer and therefore worthy to be one of the first to know about this most exceedingly improbable but absolutely true miracle:

BitShares has just been promised a series of a funding infusions that dwarf all it has spent since work began on the Fourth of July, 2013.

You can read about it at SovereignHero.com and watch our production quality presentation at Startup Hollywood last Saturday here:

This video is also our long-awaited roadmap for the coming year and contains salutes to Steemit, Peerplays, and EOS as well. It is the culmination of a plan first released to you as my first Steemit article over a year ago: Whale Powered Assets.

While no individual deal is more than a credible commitment at this point, the spontaneous appearance of that much whale power seems less probable than the co-evolution of a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader and her autonomous cellular assembly mechanism. Hence I give it my highest Cat 5 Miracle rating. Our Business Development team is good, but they are not this good. This can only be an Act of God, and so we’ll leave the credit to Him.

It does make me wonder a bit what He is up to though…

Cheers!

Stan Larimer, President and CEO
Cryptonomex and Heronomex
The Godfather of BitShares and the HERO

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Greatest Hits
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