If I Call You Sir or Ma’am, I’m Not Implying A Thing

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"Did you just call me sir?"

For the second week in a row, I’ve had a colleague or client ask me to stop saying ma’am or sir. I’m thankful they brought it to my attention, too, since I don’t want to bother or offend anyone. But at the same time, it’s not like I end every sentence with a sir or ma’am, and why does it bother anyone?

I was born and raised in the Panhandle of Texas. If you don’t know where that is, you’re not missing out on anything. It happens to fall within the Bible Belt, Tornado Alley and the Great Plains. Anyone from this part of Texas understands how limited a frame of reference can be in this area, and I’d be lost in today’s world had I not spent hours reading about other places, lives and cultures.

My point is I was brought up using manners, told to tack on a “sir” or “ma’am” to the end of every yes, no, thank you and please that left my mouth. Anytime I addressed someone, I was to use sir or ma’am out of respect. As an adult, I’ve continued to do this both out of respect and out of habit. If I ever address you with one of these titles, take it at face value.

If the most offensive thing I do is call you ma’am, is it really that big of a deal?

What’s The Deal With Sir & Ma’am?

Without the help of the awe-inspiring OED, you can easily gather what the words sir and ma’am mean. The definitions you’ll find for them both addresses include words like “formal” and “polite.”

The only thing I can find related to either one of them that could be offensive to some is the fact that ‘ma’am’ is a shortened form of madam, which is a term sometimes used to refer to a woman running a brothel. Thanks to context clues, though, as well as common sense, my associates know that I’m not calling their business a brothel when I say ma’am. So, what’s the big deal?

Some take offenseto it for a number of reasons, though none seem to hold up for me. I’ve noticed, too, that I’m less likely to receive a request to stop staying sir. This might have something to do with my line of work rather than the address sir being any less off-putting since there are plenty of men that say otherwise.

And I understand how problematic using either one can be nowadays, with the scrapping of traditional gender norms and the rise of gender fluidity. However, I’d like to think that someone will correct me if I’m wrong and then move on with life. Again, my use of sir and ma’am are habitual and respectful. Trying to draw any other meaning from them is pointless and will disappoint you.

It Does Not Mean You’re Old

My use of sir and ma’am is far-reaching, spreading across all ages and levels of acquaintances, so don’t ever think it has to do with age. The majority of people I feel comfortable enough to press the issue with usually say that hearing “sir” or “ma’am” makes them feel old. But why? Maybe because of these sorts of discussions.

I’ve called my niece of about 10 ma’am since she could talk back to me. Maybe you were taught to say ma’am and sir to your elders as a sign of respect, and that’s why it makes you feel “old.” But that goes into another realm of ageism that my utterances are completely separate from.

I’m Being Polite

Consider it a sign of respect first and foremost, whether we are strangers or longtime friends. At the end of the day, we are all trying to have an open line of communication at work, socially or otherwise.

There’s no reason to take offense from a healthy dose of Southern hospitality. If I say it a few more times after your distaste is expressed, know that I have to consciously make an effort to stop myself from finishing a sentence.

If we allow ourselves to get caught up with a couple of words, how will we ever be able to carry on a conversation?

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