My Story Part 3; Culture Shock
Now I know we are all aware of different vast cultures all over the world. Everybody has experienced at least their own culture and then some. My country has over 9 regions and each has a few tribes.
Although same religion, my husband and I are from different regions thus different tribes. I had never been one so enthused about marrying from my tribe because everybody seems to be family. This stems from the fact that I can marry my cousin from my father’s side for example and other instances I feel are weird. Because of this, we are all family (like really: one big family; pun intended 😂)
I used to want to marry from a different country(to have a feel of a totally different group of people). My mom always fancied people from some particular regions in our country because they were educated and thus very civil and understanding.
From experience, I now know this sentiment is wrong. You cannot..and should not marry these two qualities: educated and civil; both do NOT always move hand in hand.
Apart from mistakenly “marrying” educated and civil, I also made another mistake of thinking that educated also meant opened minded. I just thought, in this 21st century a young individual who has been to a world class university wouldn’t be so wrapped in culture to the point of picking up archaic practices. Don’t get me wrong; I am not insinuating culture be thrown away. Education has helped refine culture. My parents will definitely not do somethings my grandparents did because it’s different times, there’s more understanding and growth. Same way I don’t expect our generation to act like our parents.So imagine my shock when my husband started acting like our grandparents (I would even dare say forefathers).
After the “proposal” and wedding preparation started, things also began to change. I guess he had “caught the fish” now so time to relax and be himself? I however think he still thought to have some constraint because we weren’t married yet. So then he wasn’t himself(real self)all the way; I met that version after marriage.
When he was angry about something, he would go quiet on you but this would be after some yelling in an argument(an “upgrade” from his previous behavior; read this My Story Part 2; Red Flags). An argument which would end but with no solution.
I remember my sister who lived with me seeing me so distraught one day and she said to me “It doesn’t matter if he’s already gone to our parents to ask for your hand and preparations have began. If you are having second thoughts don’t go ahead with it.Your happiness matters and mom and dad will totally understand”. This still rings in my head from time to time till this very day.
Thinking back to the day when we had a disagreement and he said “….WHEN WE ARE MARRIED YOU WILL SEE!”; that day…that day is the day I should have walked….
Culture Shock will be continued..
Please read my previous posts to get the whole story thus far