Finding Balance in the Backseat

In most households, working moms are the drivers and rarely ride in the backseat. You determine the destination, map the route and navigate the winding paths of life.

As you traverse the unpredictable terrain of working motherhood, you may find confidence in being the driver. After all, you're in control and your internal GPS is set to pursue balance. Yet, your intense control and desire to follow the route causes you to fiercely race through life white-knuckled and wrinkle-browed. You honk angrily at anyone who gets in your way. You ignore the Rest Area signs. You look at your fuel gauge and think, "I don't have time to fill-up. I'll go just a bit longer." You're hurried, rushed and blinded by the speed of life.

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Periodically, every working mom needs to release control of the driver's seat and enjoy the view from the backseat. It’s in the backseat that you observe and enjoy life, just as it is. You're free from the stress of life's traffic jams, bad drivers and on-the-road distractions.

The opportunity to enjoy working motherhood from the backseat is a priceless opportunity to learn. Here are three important lessons you'll discover:

Lesson 1. Life needn't be complicated. Seek simplicity.

Society's view of the American Dream isn't dreamy for every working mom. Instead, working moms are lured into a complicated, hurried lifestyle. The pressure to sustain a life that meets (or exceeds) society’s standards of an "ideal mom" can be debilitating for you and your family. Attempting to juggle multiple goals, activities, priorities and to-do’s increases your stress and drains your energy.

The beauty of the backseat is the perspective you gain. As you enjoy the calm of the backseat, peek out the window and observe your frantic life. Are you pursuing things that add value to your life, or are you trying to fulfill the expectations that mainstream society says you should want? Seek simplicity.

Lesson 2. Life isn't as bad as it seems. Notice what's going well.

Given the pressure to conform to the social image of an ideal working mother, you may feel like you’re falling short. You don't spend enough quality time with your kids. You don't earn enough money. Your house isn't big enough. The list of "not enough" is endless.

From the driver's seat, your in a defensive position. You're focused on reaching a destination and avoiding obstacles. This focus causes your attention to center on what is not going well; you perceive your problems (the obstacles) to be much greater than they truly are. A backseat view shifts your thinking. You'll notice that roughly 95% of your life is probably going well, while 5% could truly be improved. Notice what's going well.

Lesson 3. Life isn’t about the pursuit of happiness. Pursue joy.

"I just want to be happy," is a common plea from working moms. Yet happiness is a temporary and self-centered. Happiness may come from your work, your possessions, and your achievements. All of these things have to do with you. Worse, their significance or value can be gone in an instant.

Joy is a related, but deeper, experience that goes beyond yourself. It’s a spiritual endeavor that connects you to something bigger than your everyday existence. In this context, 'spiritual' has more to do with inspiration than religion. From the quiet of the backseat, you’ll realize the things that brought you happiness, don’t necessarily offer joy. Pursue joy.

As you drive through the expressway of your life, turn into the Rest Area and ask someone else to drive for a short while. The lessons you’ll learn from the backseat are life changing. You may be surprised that work/life balance is hiding in plain sight, waiting for you to notice it on the sidelines as you whiz by at light speed.