Dear Japanese Diary.....Missing but not gone.....You are never alone.

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Hey there Steemians, I closed my eyes for a minute and woke up to what feels like a new era. So much has been happening back home, here in Japan and inside of me; I didn't even realise that the latter was a thing but sitting down and putting my fingers to work is bringing forth a lot.

I have been seated and all over the place all at once. I am not quite sure how to explain such a state but I know that I have been experiencing it. The mind is such a powerful thing; if we are not careful, with just the blink of an eye, we could lose it, especially those of us who are out here on our own trying to make the best out of life's opportunities.

Just last night, in a female group for foreigners living in Japan that I am a part of, a post was made and it had me under the shower for a while with the water just running. The post, marked "emergency", sought to reach out to other females who may live close to a particular female foreigner, who was at the time at her all-time lowest.

From her last post, which was about 30 minutes before the emergency post, she apologized and said she hopes that we (her friends and family) would one day forgive her. That broke my heart into so many pieces. It felt like a part of me died. A part of me died because I know how difficult it can be to feel alone and especially in Japan where the culture and societal norms are so different from the Western world, where we are from.

She is a black woman like myself, who resides in Japan where everything is foreign; no well-defined friends or family members around; just her. As outsiders looking in, as visitors and not residents for a period of time, persons only see all the glamour and glitter that is presented especially by the media. But take my word for it; living in Japan is not what you think it to be. I believe this is so because of how Japan really is.

If I were to truly describe Japan, I would have to say that it is "emotionless", for the most part. As Westerners, we are used to freely expressing ourselves and talking about things. If you have been following my diary entries, you may remember a post that I made that included the Japanese "Honne" and "Tatemae". For those of you who may not have been following or who may not remember, here is a quick recap:

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Most Japanese people have a social behavior which is called “Honne and Tatemae,” and this is not something they can acquire from their school education. It would be considered as a national characteristic of Japanese people. Especially in the Japanese society, “Honne and Tatemae” has always been an essential part of communications. “Honne” is defined as someone’s true feelings, and “Tatemae” is defined as a behavior which people actually show in public or an opinion which people actually say in public - Japan Activator

Just imagine for a minute deciding to throw yourself into a totally different culture, only to be met with a brick wall; a mask that you cannot read; a do or die; a damn if you do or a damn if you don't; a fit in or be treated like an outcast; a become Japanese because you are living in Japan or deal with passive-aggression because you do not do everything the Japanese way. I have had only a few occurrences of such calibre but there are piles and piles of unsung horror stories out there. In Japan, you either suck up to the harsh reality of "keep your feelings all bottled up inside and allow it to eat at your very being" or just "Tatemae" your way through and pretend to fit in.

The sad thing is, not everyone has figured out a coping mechanism or is strong enough to overcome feelings of worthlessness and anxiety when and if they do appear. Such persons are prone to moments like my dear sister had, even for a split second. For a moment, I could feel my sister's pain; the pain of isolation and feeling like you can never do anything well enough or Japanese enough. But in the end, we got a hold of her, the police found her apartment and we, as a group, have reached out to her. One sister saved is one more unsung story told. As I have mentioned before in previous posts, there are good days and there are not so good days living here in Japan.

Please note that my intention in this post is not for you to leave thinking that Japan is an awful place to live. But my intention is for you to realise that Japan is like any other country in the world. There is good and there is definitely bad. Every country has its own problems and we only ever really pay attention to these problems when they find themselves close enough to us. But it is never too late for a shower of rain or for a change.

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I trust that you have been having a great week thus far. Remember that you are never truly alone. Reach out to someone; talk to someone.

With Love,

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