About personal space

Each personal existence is kept secret, and, perhaps, in part, it is for this reason that a cultured person is so nervously busy that personal secret is respected.

A.P. Chekhov

This concept appeared in Russian with the light hands of our American brothers. The Russian treats everything American, whether it is political correctness, self-realization or tax payment, with reasonable skepticism: well, but not for our latitudes.

It is enough to squeeze into a minibus on the outskirts of Moscow to part with illusions and realize that your personal space is inside you, and not vice versa. However, even before the distribution of minibuses in Soviet buses, opponents of the cramped mockingly recommended to change to a taxi.

But, as you know, “our people do not take a taxi to the bakery.” The conclusion is obvious: we have always preferred the collective space, a kind of materialized broth of the Jung collective unconscious. And still.

Not everything that I do not want to hide, I want to advertise

Lived in a separate apartment on their own will not return to the communal. As King Solomon said, many of the knowledge bear many sorrows. And for sure, it is not necessary to know what color your underpants have your neighbors, and what they eat for dinner, and exactly how their children are called in the polemic fervor.

Yes, of course, all secret becomes clear, and a decent man has nothing to hide from his people. But not everything that I do not want to hide, I want to advertise.

Gradually two or three drawers completely crystallize - from the bra to the diary. Inner harmony that no one would like to clarify. The time when you do not need to look like. In his room, in the elevator. And sometimes in the subway car. As they say wise children, "I'm in the house."

Over time, individual apartments unfold into the western formula (n + 1), where the proportions and priorities of the modern era are expressed with utmost clarity: n - by the number of family members - personal spaces + 1 collective.

My mother entered my room without knocking. I enter my daughter’s room by knocking, and if I forget to knock, they remind me of that.

Let's try to quantify the value of personal space, more precisely, the growth of this value. For example, choosing between a coupe and a reserved seat, you are, in fact, thinking about renting a door. The door turns the part of the car into conditional - because for four - personal space.

From the point of view of the Soviet person, a dubious advantage, which is expressed in a slight increase in prices. According to the recollections of Internet users, reserved seats Moscow - Vladivostok - 63 rubles, coupe - 79. Moscow - Leningrad, respectively, 10 and 12. Today the price gap is on average twice.

That is - think about it - half the price of a coupon ticket goes through the door. You begin to understand that we are still talking not about imported fiction, but about deep accumulated fatigue from improperly organized space.

Even the closest person has no right to get into my mind and teach me how to live.

In a collective and individualized space, the relationship between word and deed changes. In the recent past, conflicts between close people rarely came from words. Much more often - from actions. For example, parents refused to register a young daughter in law. Or refused the amount of money at a critical moment. It turned out a crack for many years, if not forever.

With words, the situation was not so disastrous. This is not about sad and neglected family stories, when relationships, in fact, have died and words only make out this death. No, we are talking about a lively conflict, when discord torments participants. The words could somehow be defused, smoothed out. The words touched, wounded, but did not kill.

Today everything is different. Even the closest person - until I asked him about it - has no right to get into my mind, heart and soul and teach me how to live. From the side of our conversation can look quite complacent and peaceful, but the crack caused by him can be very deep.

Your deed is your right, and I respect you and your deed

The internal logic is simple: you violate my personal space - therefore, you either do not respect it as a category, or do not personally respect me. In any case, you can not deal. Old canon: love is beyond respect. New: no respect no love.

Paradoxically, an act, even an unfriendly one, does not have such terrible consequences as before. Decoding this is also transparent: your deed is your right, and I respect you and your deed. For example, I marry someone I want, and you register someone in your square. In the new coordinates, no basic principles are violated, there are only organizational problems that can be resolved one way or another.

The matching logic itself suggests that it is better. The hitch is that we don’t have a common measurement tool. Let me just say that I, an elderly person, prefer, however, a new one, integrating into it, not without difficulty, but with pleasure.