Uproar! Europeans of All Tribes Must Unite to Resurrect Their Civilization

 In a poem from the Icelandic Edda, the Norse god Thor wakes up without his hammer. He has lost his phallus. A giant named Thrym, whose name means uproar, has taken it. He won’t bring the hammer back unless the fair-haired Freya, Odin’s wife, marries him. But the otherwise promiscuous goddess refuses the ugly troll; her anger sends an earthquake through Asgard.

Instead, Thor and Loki decide to dress up as Freya and her bridesmaid. They fool the giant, but barely. Once Thrym retrieves the hammer to hallow the bride — with the blessings of Vár — a fiery-eyed Thor smashes him to death, kills the giant’s sister, and then exterminates the entire race of giants, saving Asgard. 

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