I Hate Red Velvet Cake

Normally I enjoy writing about real life problems and issues (which this could be considered as such), but today I would love to share with you my hatred of Red Velvet Cake.

If you aren’t familiar with what Red Velvet Cake is, I can honestly tell you it is the most evil of cake flavors. Not even kidding. This cake is the devil (no disrespect to devil’s food cake).

As a hobby, I make cake. I know that sounds simple, but it’s quick and to the point. My specialty is cupcakes. I love discovering new recipes, muffin liners, piping designs and fun edible décor. Everyone has a hobby they are really good at and this is mine. It’s probably one of three things I have no shame in admitting I am fantastic at. In addition, I cater events that are in need of dessert because I also make full-sized cakes, cookies, brownies, tarts, ect.

Everyone loves a hobby that can make you money, right?

BTW, did you see the beautiful wedding cake photo at the top of this post? Isn’t it just lovely?

I made this cake for two friends of mine that were getting married. It was the first wedding cake I had ever made and I was super nervous. It’s wasn’t the first wedding I had ever catered, but the first one that required a full-on three tiered cake. I spent weeks researching the best ways to construct it, what materials I needed and where to buy them and an easy to do frosting design.

Everything about this cake order was fine, except the flavor choice. I’m guessing by now you know what I’m about to tell you. The flavor this couple had chosen was Red Velvet. RED VELVET! And I remember when they told me this, I was shocked. I couldn’t believe it.

Why would someone want to ruin their special day with this abomination?

As a rule, I don't reject cake orders on basis of flavor. That would be silly. I still hate this flavor, though.

Look at these cupcakes below and tell me they don’t look like evil red beasts. They’re awful! Bleh.

Now, let’s say you actually like Red Velvet and are upset that I am hating all over it right now.

Sorry, not sorry.

I have gone on record as saying that Red Velvet cake is my nemesis. It’s pretty strong verbiage, but it’s necessary.

Let me give you my Red Velvet Cake test.

When you think about chocolate cake, you KNOW what that tastes like. Right?
When you think about vanilla cake, you KNOW what that tastes like. Right?
When you think about Red Velvet cake, DO you know what that tastes like?

No, you don’t. And there’s your reason.

You really can’t describe this disgusting excuse for a cake flavor.
Also, are you aware of how much food coloring is in this cake recipe?? And sure, you could use beets to ‘naturally’ color it, but no one wants that. Plus, you will NEVER find two separate bakeries that make one that tastes similar. They all taste different, meaning there is no standard for this flavor.

Lastly, there is no base line taste for Red Velvet Cake.
How are you supposed to know you ate/made a good one if there is no base line? Come on, people. Let’s just move past this flavor and on to better things. You know what I make that people love more than RV?
Chocolate Cake with Raspberry filling and Swiss Meringue Buttercream. Totes better.

Jump off the Red Velvet bandwagon. You don’t need that much food coloring, anyway.

Until next time, friends. –the RealPositiveGirl