In the Life of Someone Living with Chronic Illnesses

Hi there Steemit community

I haven't posted in a very long time; life finds it's way to take over your time.

I briefly mentioned in my last post that I live with multiple chronic illnesses. Let me expand on that, I have lived alongside M.E (myalgic encephalomyelitis)/CFS (Chronis Fatigue Syndrome) for 15 or so years, and Fibromyalgia since 2015. There's a few other chronic conditions I live with, but these don't compare to the impact M.E/Fibro have. Firstly let me explain why I prefer to use M.E over CFS; the simply answer is the name Chronic Fatigue Syndrome doesn't really justify the magnitude this illness has on many of millions of lives around the world. CFS really is the simplified term used, because who can really pronounce myalgic encephalomyelitis properly for others to understand.

Today I can to an enlightenment that I thought I had accepted a long time ago and perhaps I did, but somewhere along the line I forgot that I had accepted this enlightenment. I haven't managed to work in over two years, which is in itself insane. I honestly don't know where all that time went and how it became two years so quickly. These illness for me, mean I'm often house bound and can be bed bound for weeks on end. Many call people like me lazy or that we just need to get/find our motivation or that we're depressed. YES we are depressed often, because I mean wouldn't you be from time to time if you were stuck in bed unable to move your legs, because your brain is running low on blood and oxygen and thus it cannot send the signal to your legs to move. It's not the life many of us asked for, yet somehow we seem to be punished in one way or another by the medical industry, by the GP who we are forced to go to for help. Many in the medical world straight up don't believe in M.E./ Fibro. Which doesn't leave people like me with much hope....

HOPE..... I believe as human beings what keeps us here, alive, well and motivated is HOPE. When this hope is diminishing it's only a matter of time before we lose the will to be here, the hope that we'll get better disappears as hope slowly fades.

The problem with M.E is that it's a central nervous disorder, greatly impacting the core functionality of one's body. This means those of us living with M.E experience a wide range of symptoms that can affect every possible organ we have. Perhaps that's why it's so hard for others to believe in our suffering.

Back to this enlightenment; my life will never be the way it was before any of this turned up in my life. The dreams I've had have been crushed by M.E/Fibro, and over and over again I've regained strength to find and compromise on finding another goal/dream. Perhaps I dream to big for someone living with chronic illnesses, but every dream I've mustered up has been shut down by these illnesses. Today I realised I'll never explore places I once hoped I would. I'm not sure why this impacts me so much, but I'm confident it's because I've always been one to love to find all the beauty this world has to offer, and it's sad to realise I'm not going to be able to see this beauty for myself. I realised I'll never be able to work the hours needed, to earn the money needed to explore and make steps towards goals. It's an awful reality, though I am a realists.

My studies and life experiences has my mind wired differently to those around me. And that's fine, I respect that's just the way it is. Though it certainly doesn't make it any easier when life and illnesses hit you in the face from time to time.

I like to see myself as somewhat of an advocate, however it's extremely hard to advocate when you're the one that needs someone to advocate for you and your struggles. I continue to try and let the world know about the struggles people like me face. I guess in hopes that somewhere, someone will feel a little less isolated and even perhaps save a life for when the hope fades. If you're reading this and you connect to my words, know I'm with you, I get it, it's a struggle and I hope you can reach out if you need it. To anyone living with M.E/Fibro my heart goes out to you and I'm so sorry this is the cards you've been dealt.

Much Kindness

Geraldine xx