I Don't Even Know Your Name
I saw you last night. It’s not the first time I’ve seen her, she has visited before. This time felt different though, you lingered when you could have fled... We never have enough time, you and I, never enough words between us, but there is something between us isn’t there? It may not be spoken, but even more real than words shared could ever be, it’s felt in the mind, in the heart, dare I say, even in the depths of my soul. It resonates throughout every fiber of my being like the last note of your favorite song. Come to think of it, I don’t even know your favorite song, your favorite flower, or even what makes you smile, worse still, what makes you cry. How can I not know any of these elemental things and yet, when you look into my eyes, I know you. Strange isn’t it, such familiarity, such comfortability? Questions began to flow as if a dam had released it’s reservoir. Where did I know you from, how long had I known you, how did we meet...? Tears began to well in my eyes.
There was another strange nuance this time as well, I heard something. Something that caused flashes, of what could only be memories, to flood my mind with such strength and intensity that it forced my eyes closed in a futile attempt to slow the onslaught. A sharp pain shot up through my body finding a home deep in my chest. I suddenly felt a chill run down my spine. I realized that it was one of the most beautiful sounds these tired old ears have ever heard. I don’t even remember what I said but you laughed, your eyes sparkled, time slowed and then stopped altogether. In that moment, outside of space and time, I realized that I do know you. I always have and always will. Confusion remained, how, and from where?
Images increased in intensity and tempo, jump cuts of us dancing alone in an open field under the stars until the color of the coming dawn appeared in the eastern sky, shared kisses in countless greetings and goodbyes, wrestling and play fighting in our bed only to collapse in each others arms, we held each other with our bodies intertwined as if two trees had grown towards the heavens with their trunks repeatedly choosing to twist and interlock together in an eternal embrace. Those eyes though, intelligence, determination, empathy, kindness, hopes, dreams, acceptance, love... The thought appeared in my mind in a moment of revelation, not only do I know you, but you know me. The question still haunted me, the answer eluding my consciousness yet hovering just beyond in the darkness of the subconscious. How was this possible, I had no recollection of these events but the lucidity of the images could’t be denied. Was I dreaming...? Yes, I had to be.
I forced my eyes open again trying to escape her, escape this dream. I expected to see the early morning darkness of my room, I rolled over expecting to feel the cold loneliness of my empty bed. My outstretched arm struck something solid, solid yet incredibly soft like satin. I heard nothing at first, the silence deafening. My hand explored further, where there should have been frigid sheets there was instead a warmth that I hadn’t felt in, well ever. I innately became aware that time was still irrelevant, I recognized nothing about this place. A warm hand closed around mine, soft fingers intertwining, melding our hands into one, like the image of the tree’s trunks that still lingered in my minds eye.
Your voice shattered the silence, the confusion. I felt the warmth of your breath on my neck, “no my love, this isn’t a memory, at least not yet.” The utterance of her voice released me from my trance, with the sound of rushing water and gale force winds, space and time resumed in an instant.
I sat up in bed with a start, sweat glistening on my brow. The acute pain in my chest caused my breaths to be shallow, labored. I instinctively reached a hand to my heart as I lay back down in the near darkness of my room. I looked out the window that sits above my bed, the moon was near full and flooded my room with a soft bluish glow. The chill of the open window caused me to shutter. My hand left my chest although the pain remained, I reached over to feel the cold side of the bed. There was no warmth there this time, she was gone, retreated back into my mind or perhaps the future. I couldn’t be sure which. The strange feeling that I knew her sent a second shiver up my spine, but how could this be? I pulled the covers tighter around me futilely willing the warmth of her touch to return. My gaze returned to the moon, I couldn’t help but wonder, was she out there somewhere in the wide wide world, staring at the same moon? Was she haunted by the same images in her head? Was this just a dream or could it be a Precognition...? It felt so real, felt like so much more than a fantasy.
I whispered half to myself, half to the moon, “But how could this be, how could I miss you? I don’t even know your name...”
By Shane McKown
This is the latest addition in a series that I am working on. Would love to hear feedback and of course share and upvote if you enjoyed it, thank you for taking the time to read it!
Here is some of the inspiration for this addition.
https://soundcloud.com/bigwild/shadows-ft-josh-rubin?in=shane-mckown%2Fsets%2Fgrinding