My daughter hit someone...Am I ok with that?

Yes! She hit a lad who was harassing her...is that ok?! 

My youngest daughter had felt threatened and upset by the behaviour of a young man 4 years older than her. She was out in public, but there was no one around, and she reacted to the perceived threat and protected herself. 

With the news full of women coming forward with stories of physical and mental abuse from the past, still haunting them and affecting their lives, I am glad that I have raised a daughter who will not stand for it, but saddened that she found herself in this situation.

 Let me tell you the story.

Last summer, I let my daughter Jen, have a 'grown up'  party for her sixteenth birthday. She and about 10 friends, set up a table in a barn, cooked pizza and lit a fire pit outside. When I went to check on them, they were playing board games and roasting marshmallows!! So perhaps not quite so grown up after all. 

This was the first time my daughter met 'Jim', when he gate crashed the party and was a bit of a handful. But it all ended peacefully enough.

A few weeks later, my eldest daughter was horrified when I mentioned in passing that Jen was hanging out with 'Jim'. My daughter told me he was 19,(he looks much younger), had been in her year at school, and had a very bad reputation for hanging around with girls much younger than him, and was into substances I would not ever allow my children to use. I immediately went to Jim's house, extracted Jen, had rather more trouble convincing Jen's friend that no, she would not be allowed to stay with 'Jim' alone till the morning, but eventually managed to deliver the friend home safely, and explained to Jen what I had learned of 'Jim'. 

Now, my daughter Jen is a really good girl. I am biased I know, but she has run her own newspaper delivery business for the elderly in our village for 3 years, and has just passed this job onto her younger brother so she can concentrate on completing 4 A-levels and her 2 other part time jobs. She has self financed solo trips to Romania, Denmark and the USA, each time to stay with our friends or family. She is currently saving to go to South America this summer. She completed GCSE exams in 7 subjects last summer after being home educated for a year. She works really, really hard. 

She is a kind, loving and loyal friend. She will always listen to a friend in need, always make the effort to visit someone who's feeling down, and I have never, ever seen her be aggressive or physical towards anyone.

But back to what happened...

So yesterday, my second daughter came home and said she had just seen Jen with a man that might have been 'Jim' in the village, and Jen had looked unhappy. My daughter said she had a bad feeling about what was going on, but she couldn't explain why. 

I didn't think too much of it at this stage, but an hour later Jen rushed in, close to tears. She is a very private person, and she absolutely refused to tell me what was wrong, so I hugged her, told her whatever it was I would be with her, and then she rushed out to perform in a play she was in that afternoon.

I spent the afternoon wondering, what could have happened? Had 'Jim' upset her? Or worse still, harmed her in some way? Had 'Jim' and his friends been bullying her? Maybe I should find 'Jim' and ask him direct? But my instinct was to wait, and to trust that Jen would come to me when she was ready.

Jen arrived home later in a good mood, said that the upset earlier in the day was sorted, and really seemed to have recovered her self well. So I decided to be patient and wait until today to ask for more information.

Jen came in this morning to tell me her plans for the day...another performance, seeing friends, going roller-skating.

I decided to risk a question..."Do any of your plans include 'Jim'?" I asked.

She looked startled, then slightly guilty. "No way! I never want to see him again!" I was relieved to hear it, but unprepared for what came next.

"Mum, Er, I hit him!" Wow! That was so unexpected!

Sure enough, she held out her hand to reveal swollen and grazed knuckles. I was astounded. That explained why she had asked me for the Arnica cream last night!! (Arnica is a  homeopathic remedy for bruising!).

I asked her why she had done it and she said she didn't want to tell me, but she promised that he had not harmed her, but he had said some things that made her 'see red'. She dealt him a solid punch, then scarpered! 

Now, as a family, we are totally against violence, I have never permitted my kids to physically hurt one another, and we aim for peace and calm in our household. And parenting can be a real challenge!

But on this occasion, I was ok with the situation. My daughter has shown she can stand her ground and defend herself.

She is strong, independent, fearless and brave. She is also compassionate, loyal and kind. 

I hope she never has to react like this again because she feels so intimidated or threatened by a man, but it brings me comfort to know that she has the courage to protect herself, and to know she will never stand for that kind of behaviour from anyone.

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash