I'm sorry I missed this beautifully written journey into what you are going through right now, and how the past has played a role in the person who is facing that sense of crisis (I haven't voted because I missed the 7 days deadline, but will find a newer post to place a vote on in lieu).

Once you got the part about finding the lump, and the treatment, the waiting, the anxiety - I have been there, twice. Your writing, your explanation of the emotions, the CT-scan, the experience in general is exactly how it is.

For what it is worth, and forgive me for hijacking your post (this is not my intention to make this about me, just offer words of reassurance from my own experience), I had a body part removed 15 years ago (right lung), and overcame that cancer. I was diagnosed with a new cancer 2 years ago, and live with 4 tumours currently. I get the fear and uncertainty. I read your words in the spirit they are offered in.

I wish very much that this is not your experience, but no matter the future, life can go on, and even get better.