Conviction, Confession, Repentance Oh My: A Protestant Journey to Orthodox Christianity

But Ruth said: "Entreat me not to leave you, [Or to] turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people [shall be] my people, And your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, And there will I be buried. The LORD do so to me, and more also, If [anything but] death parts you and me." (Rth 1:16-17 NKJV)

One of those common things among the Orthodox, especially many converts is the awe in their experience. Something that is beyond our own understanding, I can not just simply say this is an intellectual experience nor can it be fully explained. Some common things I have heard and also experienced myself,

"Is I realize more and more that I know nothing; I almost feel like a child"

At that time Jesus said, "I praise You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from [the] wise and intelligent and have revealed them to infants. "Yes, Father, for this way was well-pleasing in Your sight. "All things have been handed over to Me by My Father; and no one knows the Son except the Father; nor does anyone know the Father except the Son, and anyone to whom the Son wills to reveal [Him.] (Mat 11:25-27 NASB))

I can say that I am no longer afraid to say or admit that I may not fully understand, and as time goes on my understanding increases with this form of humility. With this knowledge of heart comes a great chasm between the knowledge of God and the intellect of man. At times I feel a bit anxious about this, because I know I am approaching a place of no return. Literally there is a paradigm shift from the old man into the new man. My way of thinking about so many things have changed, about church, prayer, salvation, grace, receiving communion, and lets just say, my whole life has changed in result of it.

There are moments I feel the temptation to turn from life to create my own life and the Lord speaks to my nous ( a Greek word for the inner mind and heart). Do you want to turn and go back? Then I'm reminded of Peter's response to Christ when asked the same question. Jesus had many "followers" up until this point and many had turn back from following Him because He said,

Then the Jews [began] to argue with one another, saying, "How can this man give us [His] flesh to eat?" So Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in yourselves. "He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. "For My flesh is true food, and My blood is true drink. "He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him. "As the living Father sent Me, and I live because of the Father, so he who eats Me, he also will live because of Me. (Jhn 6:52-57 NASB)

As a result of this many of His disciples withdrew and were not walking with Him anymore. So Jesus said to the twelve, "You do not want to go away also, do you?" Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life. (Jhn 6:66-68 NASB)

So I ask the Lord for help, I am completely helpless, completely vulnerable, completely at His goodness and mercy. This feeling is an emptying of oneself which only God can fill.

"For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luk 14:11 NASB)

Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, [and] coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to [the point of] death, even the death of the cross. Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and [that] every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ [is] Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Phl 2:5-11 NKJV)

My goal on this journey to salvation is to express my love for all and for those who may have drifted from the faith, who find themselves left empty with so many questions. There is a truth that dose not only speak to the intellect but speaks to the heart and spirit of a person as well, and the heart will know it since we are all made in the image and likeness of God and given life through His Holy Spirit. At the fall the image of God did not just go away, rather is was the likeness that was tainted with corruption, being the human will and left with watered down truth and terminated by death. The Son of God became incarnate through the virgin Mary and was made man in order to restore this relationship with God, to heal us, to give us the full ability to become more like Him, this was the purpose from the beginning to walk with our LORD God in the garden in the cool of the day. Jesus defeated death by His death in order to free us from death and corruption if we chose to receive it. God raised Him up on the third day and is seated at the right hand of the Father and remains a man for the glory of the Father and is once again restoring man to his enteral state and will finally raise it up on the last day. He will again return to judge the living and the death and His kingdom will have no end. He has sent out His invention.

"Come to Me, all [you] who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. "For My yoke [is] easy and My burden is light." (Mat 11:28-30 NKJV)