How to GET rid of Protogenesis Family's bad influence？怎样跳脱出原生家庭的禁锢？

“He is a younger lived in countryside and born in poor family. Mother got stoke when she climbed hill. Lacked of system treatments, she got apoplexy sequela -- hemiplegia. His brother had a series fever in childhood, finally cured for fever. But brain damage was irreversible, his mental growth stayed at that time. His father is a heavy drinker and fond of promiscuity. He must be either mad or drunk. He maltreat mother and brother after drunk. There were inundated with hurl invectives and squeal. Of course beaten up him, too. Because of economy and idea of escaping, he went to work when finished just middle school. On account of building made of wooden is poor sound insulation, he always waked up suddenly by father`s a bit of loud. He afraid that was terrible quarrel between father and mother. Growth from this kind family, he find he is so easily cowed. At once he gazed mom was drinking pesticides after assaulted by his father. He doesn’t dare to stop, even though told father. He also was bullied in primary and middle school. Nowadays he don’t have friends , goals. Don’t dare go out and go home.”
This is a story narrated by Mr. Ta, I realize this is a story by himself.

“他是一个95后农村少年，出生在原本不富裕的家庭。妈妈因上山中风，未及时治疗，瘫痪了半边身子。哥哥小时发高烧，各种用药，最终好了，却心智永远停在了小时后。爸爸经常酗酒，在外面找女人，醉醺醺的回家就开始打妈妈和哥哥，谩骂、尖叫，充斥整个房间，当然也少不了打他。因为经济，也因为逃离，主人公初中毕业就开始工作。家住的木制房子，因为隔音较差，爸妈说话声音大点，就会梦中惊醒，以为又在吵架。这样的家庭中成长出来，总感觉到自己和其他人不一样，遇事总会退缩，父亲打母亲后，亲眼看到母亲喝了农药，也不敢做什么，甚至不敢告诉父亲。上学时一直被欺负，从来没有停止过。现在21岁，没有朋友，没有目标，不敢出门，不敢回家。” 这是“他先生”给我讲过一个故事， 虽然名义为故事，我知道是他自己的故事。

| High self-esteem an Low self-esteem高自尊和低自尊

What magic to make a special personality by Protogenesis Family. We find obvious low self-esteem manifestation. Include cowardice, not good at communication, easy sensitive, social withdrawl… They are filled with negative or not active evaluate. It will be contrary with high self-esteem “love life, charming, clever and diligent, independent… ”Base on same conditions, different autognosis make different ways. High-esteem enjoy life, face to challenge, success coming easy. Low self-esteem is likely deep in darkness, hard to see daylight. Continued deny themselves, then become a looser who worried and dysphoric. During this time, easy to be addicted to drink, drug, sex, and ect.
原生家庭到有多少魔力或魔咒，会把一个人捏成这样的不喜欢自己，并无法和这个社会融合。这里我们看到了明显的低自尊表现。低自尊包括“懦弱，不合群，不善社交，敏感过度…“。对自己充满了不积极甚至负面的评价。然而一个高自尊人的评价往往是截然相反的“热爱生活，有魅力的，聪明勤奋的，独立自主的… ”相同的基础条件生存状态，不同的自我认知会走上不同的人生道路。高自尊的生活如鱼得水，享受向上的乐趣，遇事主动，更容易成功。低自尊容易深陷内心的晦暗，无法看到阳光。不断地损贬自己，自暴自弃，甚至成为自己焦虑中担心成为的那种失败者。这期间还易沾染酗酒、抽烟、吸毒、性瘾等恶习。

| How to promote self-esteem 提高自尊的好方法

1. Self-esteem level related with experience
Good education experience, domestic peace, provide a violence-free home and holding environment contribute to elevate children self-esteem.
2.School education experience effect self-esteem level
If teacher abuse authority, using on suppression, belittling, indeed personal attack. It is easy to reduce children self-esteem.
3.Establishing self-esteem can’t rely on compliment
Perfunctory compliment is proved harmful for children growth. People want to receive love from the heart.
4.Beauty and brilliant are help for cultivate self-esteem, admitting that is fragile

1.一个人的自尊水平跟童年经历有关

父母受过良好教育、家庭和谐，没有家庭暴力、提供抱持环境（可见温尼科特的抱持四阶段http://www.sohu.com/a/137075780_370978 ）的家庭里长大的孩子容易高自尊，从小被虐待、被性侵和长期忍受父母争吵冲突的孩子，容易低自尊。

2.学校教育也容易影响儿童的自尊水平

如果教师与孩子关系恶劣，滥用权威，对孩子压制、损贬、甚至人身攻击，或者是长期忍受校园欺凌，很容易使得孩子变成低自尊。

3.自尊不是捧出来的

心理学家福赛斯和他的同事们曾经做过一个实验（2007年）把一帮考试水平在60分左右的大学生分成两组，一组鼓励他们，赞扬他们的课堂表现（虽然明明表现的不尽人意），再来一段“高自尊的同学会更自信，高昂起你的头……”另一组则只评论几句表现，不做这种鼓励。结果被鼓励的那一组全军覆没，成绩远不如不被鼓励组。

这种近乎完全给予所有的捧杀会让人陷入虚构的迷惘，滥情吹捧不是爱，是坑害，只有值得的行为，才配的起衷心的称赞。4.聪明和美丽能提高自尊，虽然脆弱

有的高自尊建立在自己的头脑和外表上，这种高自尊是很脆弱的。我们经常可以看见一个人年过30了，还对自己的高考成绩念念不忘，但是可能最近混得非常差。

还有人对自己的美貌充满自信，他们对异性的拒绝特别愤怒。

头脑和外表都是脆弱的，这是一种不安全的高自尊，因为情况和评价都会改变。