這個年,新嗎?腥嗎?
一天天風疾雷電、一年年驟逝。翻一翻筆案上的月曆,新的一年好似春雨般悄然靠近。忙忙碌碌,又好似渾渾噩噩的一年到了尾聲。
合上書,架起二郎腿,目光呆滯卻思緒快速!倒流到那執教鞭的最後一個月。老師、行政助理、社團顧問老師都是受雇主的薪,辦事不敢説很突出,但勉强算得上盡忠職守。興許是成長背景、行事風格以及思維定位與衆不同,是故或多或少總會特意或不經意得罪一些“高官顯”達或者“”知識份子。但,不論經意不經意,我堅持或爭取我權力及權益範圍内的事,夠不上“抗爭”,算不得“違逆”。
偏生,英主變陰主時,所有事情會霎那乾坤顛倒。辦事不力且阿谀谄媚的小人平步志雲;辦事落力又正直不阿的能人卻被下逐客令,再遭棒打落水狗。最可悲的是,被判死刑的理由,是一個不是理由的理由。這一切,我不是唯一,只是其一。
自信滿滿的自己在丟飯碗的那些日子,一直一直懷疑自己,不曾間斷。甚而至乎質疑自己,否定自己。行事判斷開始唯唯否否,不置可否。
對我推心置腹的家人對此不曾惋惜;反卻連聲贊同;對我熟悉極致的好友鼎力相信我的能力及爲人,反倒質疑讓我離開的人安何居心。錯,當然錯且旁無勞貸;罪致死與否?於我而言,其實并不致死!但爲何不想盡辦法留下?因爲此處不留我?非!是有人不留我!
小人遍佈、鳥事不停,忙忙碌碌、亂七八糟,凡事皆背、處處碰釘的日子,可能隨著月曆走完最後一天而停止;卻又好像無止境地蔓延……
換一換月曆,準備新的一年……但,會新嗎?而,漸逝的今年,腥嗎?
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