In Memory of My Big Aunt – 悼念我的大孃

My beloved Da Niang (Big Aunt) passed away peacefully on January 22nd 2018 in Chongqing surrounded by her loved ones. She was 96 years old.

My Da Niang, a photo taken when she was in her fifties.
我大孃五十几岁时的留影

Da Niang was born in May of 1921 in Neijiang, Sichuan province. She was my mother’s older sister and only sibling. She went to school in Chengdu and got an associate degree in accounting as a young woman. After graduation she moved to Chongqing and found a job at “Chongqing Jie Xing Pharmacy” as an accountant. Although her income was low, she sent most of her salary to my mother who was a high school student in Chengdu to pay for the tuition, leaving to herself the amount just enough to live on.

My Da Niang with her mother, sister, husband and two children. This picture was taken in 1953.
我的大孃和她母亲，妹妹，丈夫和两个孩子的合影，这张照片摄于1053年。

While in Chongqing, Da Niang became close friend with the niece and nephew of the famous progressive writer Ba Jin. Through their connection, Da Niang joined the communist underground work. During the civil war between the Nationalists and Communists, she risked her life circulating revolutionary leaflets and also participated in a rescue activity to free the wife of a revolutionary fighter from Zha Zi Dong prison in Chongqing. During this time she met her future husband who was also a communist underground worker. They got married right after the establishment of the People’s Republic of China.

Because of her contribution to the communist underground work, she was invited many times to join the communist party. However, to everyone’s surprise, Da Niang declined the invitation each time. As a young mother of three children, Da Niang chose to devote most of her time to her family. She understood that once she became a communist party member, she had to put the party’s interest before anything else. She made a deliberate choice of centering her life around her husband and children. Being someone who missed out on parental attention and care as a child, I especially admire Da Niang’s independent thinking and her clear and simple aspiration of life. Most people in China at that time would jump at the chance to become a communist party member and climb the social ladder, despite the fact that this could mean sacrifice one’s family life.

Da Niang’s family
大孃的全家福

Da Niang was indeed a great mother who took good care of her children. In the hot summers of Chongqing, the city called the furnace of China, her children never had to suffer from heat rashes even though there was no air conditioning, because Da Niang was extremely attentive to give them showers frequently. When her oldest daughter Jia Ming had to go to the countryside in Neijiang to live and work as a send-down youth, Da Niang traveled to the countryside to register for Jia Ming despite of the harsh environment in the countryside. When her youngest daughter Jia Hui was sent to work in the countryside as a send-down youth, Da Niang traveled to the countryside with Jia Hui and stayed with her for a month to keep her companion and to take care of her.

Da Niang was also a very good grandmother. After she retired from her work as the chief accountant from Chongqing Pharmaceuticals Company, she personally took care of all three of her grandchildren when they were babies.

All of Da Niang’s children and grandchildren have grown to be successful and contributive members of the society. Da Niang was also a proud great grandmother of two great grandchildren.

Da Niang was a good aunt to me and my sisters, especially to my sister Xiaoling. In 1959, eight months after Xiao Ling was born, my mother’s work unit “Chengdu Geologic Survey Bureau” needed to send four young staff members to do physical work on a geologic survey project for a year in the mountainous area of Sichuan. This was a program to reform young government workers through hard physical work. Coming from a landlord family background, my mother was an easy target. She was chosen despite the fact that she just had a baby eight months before and she had another toddler at home. Being a government worker, my mother could not say “no” to the boss who assigned her this job although her heart was filled with anguish and resentment. At that time, my father was working for the Agricultural Land Management Bureau in Chengdu but he was away working in the countryside. Feeling desperate and helpless, my mother sent her eight month old baby to my Da Niang in Chongqing. She then put my other sister into a full time boarding kindergarten. Da Niang at that time had three little children of her own. But being a responsible older sister, Da Niang did not say “no” to my mother although her family, like all people in China at that time, suffered from starvation. This was during the “Great Leap Forward” period when tens of millions of people died of starvation. Da Niang took care of Xiaoling for a year as if she was born to her.

Da Niang, her husband and my mother in Chongqing. Da Niang and her husband were in their eighties.
大孃，姨爹和我母亲在重庆的合影。大孃和姨爹当时八十多岁。

It was Da Niang who sent her daughter Jia Ming to check on me when I was on exile living with my San Niang in Neijiang. It was also Da Niang who wrote a letter to my mother urging her to travel to Neijiang to bring me home. She knew how sad and miserable I must have been to be separated from my parents for so long in a harsh environment at such a tender age.

Each time Da Niang came to Chengdu to visit us, she would bring us the treats of green bean cakes. Those were the most delicious green bean cakes I had ever had. I remember bring the treats with me to school and ate them at recess. I felt very special that I was able to eat such fancy looking cakes in front of my school mates.

Da Niang made me feel loved and special even after I became a grown-up and had a family of my own. Once I had a phone conversation with Da Niang, she commented that three of her nieces (my sisters and me) all had such distinct personalities. When I asked her what my personality was, she started with: “You have always been a very special child ever since you were born.” This was one of the nicest compliments I have ever received, especially it was from my beloved Da Niang!

I visited Da Niang in Chongqing in the summer of 2015. Da Niang was 94 then and was still very healthy. She lost her husband four years before. Da Niang was able to walk and climb two sets of stairs to the restaurant where I had lunch with her and my cousins. After lunch, we played Mahjong for an hour and Da Niang was the winner!

Da Liang and I in the summer of 2015. This photo was taken in Chongqing when I visited her.
这是我2015年夏天去重庆看望大孃时的留影。

Da Niang’s health remained good until last year. Her internal organs started to fail because of old age. One week before she passed away, I video called her using the Wechat to say the final good-bye. I told her I loved her and she waved back to me. I was very sad when I received the news of my Da Niang’s passing, but I also felt comforted that Da Niang lived a very full and long life. Da Niang was a winner in life. She devoted herself whole hearted to her family and loved ones. The memories of her will live in my heart forever. Rest in Peace, my beloved Da Niang.

Da Niang’s Funeral held in Chongqing on January 23rd 2018.
悼念大孃的追悼会于2018年1月23日在重庆举行。

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我亲爱的大孃于2018年1月22日在亲人的守护下在重庆安详地离开了人世，享年九十六岁。

大孃生于一九二一年五月，四川内江人。她是我妈妈唯一的姐姐。大孃早年只身前往成都，就读于女子学校财会专业，毕业后去重庆，就职于“重庆捷兴药房”，在此家公司当会计。虽然她每月的工资不高，但她把工资的大部分都寄给我当时在成都上高中的妈妈，为她交学费，只留下最基本的生活费给自己开销。

在重庆期间，她与流连于重庆的进步作家巴金家庭有了接触，并与巴金的侄儿侄女成为了亲密朋友。通过他们的关系，大孃参与了共产党地下工作。在内战期间，她冒着生命危险散发革命传单。她还参加了一次从渣滓洞解救一位革命志士的妻子的活动。在此期间，她结识了自己未来的丈夫，他也是共产党地下工作者。大孃和我姨爹在新中国刚成立时结婚，建立起幸福的家庭。

因为大孃曾经参加过党的地下工作，因此组织上几次邀请她加入共产党。但大孃每一次都婉言拒绝了。作为一个有三个孩子的年轻妈妈，她希望把自己的大部分时间都花在自己的孩子们身上。她心里明白，如果自己加入了共产党，党的利益就必须高于一切。她非常明确自己的生活观，要把自己的生活中心放在照顾丈夫和孩子们身上。作为我这个童年时期缺乏父母关爱的人来说，我尤其敬佩大孃的独立人格和自己简单和明了的人生期望。在当时的情况下，大多数中国人都不会放弃加入共产党组织的机会，虽然这意味着牺牲自己的家庭生活。

大孃的确是一个称职的伟大母亲。在被称为火炉的重庆，在没有空调的炎热的夏天，大孃的三个孩子小时候从来没有生过痱子，因为大孃每天为他们冲几次凉水澡。在她大女儿嘉明要去内江农村插队落户时，大孃不辞交通不便，山村艰苦，亲自下乡为大女儿办理插队手续，当小女儿嘉慧下农村时，大孃又亲自去农村陪伴插队的小女儿。

大孃还是一个很好的祖母。当她从重庆医药公司会计主管职位退休以后，她亲自帮助照顾三个孙儿孙女。

大孃的孩子和孙儿孙女们都成长为成功和对社会有贡献的人。大孃还有两个重孙。

大孃还是我和我两个姐姐的亲爱的姨妈，我二姐小玲尤其爱戴大孃。1959年我妈妈在成都勘测设计院工作的时候，她单位需要派四个年轻人去四川山区做一年的勘测工作，目的之一是通过艰苦的体力劳动改造和锻炼年轻干部。我妈妈因为出生于地主家庭，不好的家庭出生使她成为改造和锻炼的对象。虽然她八个月前刚生下了我二姐小玲，家里还有一个不到三岁的大女儿，妈妈单位的领导指派她去山区工作一年。虽然我妈妈心里充满怨气，但作为国家干部，她不得不服从上级安排的工作。我爸爸当时在农田管理局工作，一直在外出差。我妈妈感到自己没有别的办法，她把大女儿放到一个全日制托儿所，把只有八个月的小玲送到重庆大孃那里。大孃当时自己有三个小孩子，那时正是“大跃进”期间，成千上万的人被饿死，大孃全家人都吃不饱饭。尽管如此，任劳任怨的大孃接纳了小玲，像对待自己的亲生女儿那样照顾她。

当我五岁被放逐去内江和三孃生活期间，是大孃写信叫她大女儿去内江看我，也是大孃写信给我妈妈， 要她马上去内江把我接回家，因为她明白这么小年纪的孩子长时间与父母分开，在艰苦的环境里生活是一件很悲哀的事情。

大孃每次来成都看望我们都会给我们带绿豆糕。我从来没有吃到过比大孃带给我们的绿豆糕更好吃的糕点了。记得我会把绿豆糕带到学校，课间休息时把它拿出来吃。当着我的同学们的面能吃上这么精致的绿豆糕使我感到非常特别。

在我成人并有自己的家庭后，大孃仍然使我感到她的爱和欣赏。有一次我和大孃通电话聊天，大孃说她的三个侄女（我和我两个姐姐）都有鲜明的个性，当我问她我的个性是什么的时候，大孃回答到：“你自从一生下来就是一个非常特别的孩子。”这是我有生以来得到的最美好的赞扬，尤其是它来自于我亲爱的大孃！

我于2015年夏天去重庆看望大孃，她当时九十四岁高龄，身体很健康。在此四年前我姨爹去世。大孃可以独立爬两层楼去餐厅和我及我的表哥表姐一起用午餐。午餐后我们在一起打了一个小时麻将。最终赢家是大孃！

直到一年前大孃的身体都非常好，没有什么大病。从去年开始，大孃的身体日渐衰老， 全身器官日渐衰竭。在她去世的前一周，我通过微信与大孃视频，我告诉大孃我爱她。大孃与我挥手道别。当我得知大孃离世的消息时我感到非常伤心，但同时又很欣慰大孃度过了一个充实和漫长的人生。她是生活的赢家。大孃的一生是无私奉献和任劳任怨的一生。她的音容笑貌将永远活在我心里。安息吧，我亲爱的大孃！