A Play by Play,blow by blow Honest Review of the pilot for "Marvel's Inhumans"

Had some fun with this, hope that you enjoy it as well. Re-posting this from another source Each break was a different post:

Darren Ryall · @darrenryall
14 hours
About to sit down and watch the opener for "Marvel's Inhuman's" To prepare, just finished watching an episode of "Star Trek: The Animated Series". Let's see if the new show can fly past that broadcasting standard..

http://gph.is/1UQ6Y3u

Mental notes on first five minutes. "Does Triton normally hang around in jungles looking for dates?" "Crap! That's bad CGI!" "Hey, here's some more! It's almost Minecraft!" "This royal party appear to cranial rectal inversion syndrome".. continuing on..

"Black Bolt has the best lines in the movie".. Scruffy Mcscrufferson is in crap with the boss, at least he won't get a tongue lashing" "hangin' out at the airport". "Hey, it's Minbari!"

Argument over what's showing on MoonCam.. "it's a hoof, the Moon is ruled by SayTun!" They'll come hunt you .. um, Scruffy, they can't really take subway to reach you.. it'd be an invasion of what, three? Moving on..

Let's worship a crafting table boys and girls.. Blah blah blah exposition.. Good gravy Nihilist Monk! And someone's been shopping on eBay, got himself an Oculus Rift..

Someone shouldn't be allowed near some hair dye,,did she apply that with a paint brush? FINALLY, 'Porting Puppy! Better keep him away from Bob Barker, or someone is gonna get himself spayed or neutered. And...the crafting table is full of meth.

Explains the bad hair and clothes all around now..

Butterflys.. and someone's having a bad trip. Yup.. and there's the snakes crawling around. Why are they surprised after someone just smoked up some meth? These guys don't seem that on the ball. Looks like Scruffy wants some lottery numbers..

Scruffy needs a Space Uber. Mmmmmm, baby sushi. And there's the koolaid that leads to the good life. "hot for teacher.."

Someone's got her eye on Nihilist Monk. Guess she's too happy and needs someone to depress her. And that's why he's single. Yup.

My gawd, the sushi..they're eating Triton! And Projector Lad, member of the Legion of Substitute Heroes. Does he get Netflix?

And dinner's ruined, Projector Lad had grody eye sockets. :p 23 minutes in, time for some moral judgement. They're not Minbari, they're bookends.

That is still a really REALLY bad wig. Must take her forever to wash that hair. Not snakes, hair. Kid, it's hair. Scruffy really wants those lottery numbers now. Dude, she's dressed in black and hot pants like Sarah Douglas, this ain't gonna end well for you. And.. nope, it didn't.

Hey! Scruffy has buddies! And Nihist Monk.. think we need more than lithium here. Wow, this is a really bad Doors cover. Action time, half an hour is up, everyone is falling asleep. They make the bookends soak their feet? Bullet time! Someone's got Bieber fever. Good puppy, cute puppy.

Time for another bad cover song.. more bad CGI! The hair horrors. Yes, shave her head, it needs to be trimmed like the budget. Scruffy, don't quit your day job, you'll never make it as a barber. King Talksalot needs more tanning lamps in there. Ah crap, exposition bomb!

Well, at least we see why Speaksalot doesn't. Maybe he can adopt? See Scruffy? This is why you'll be a bad king, a cute puppy just outsmarted you. Yeah Sinead, we already know Scruffy is a bad barber, thanks for that. This isn't a rescue mission, it's a bad art film.

Well, at least the puppy didn't chase the cars, and Speaksalot is running away to get a better outfit. Just in case anyone forgot, we started this all on the Moon. Scruffy thinks, "Hey, I have a great prison for Frosty, let's lock her in the same room I got outsmarted by her dog in."

And here's the Puppy. Lie down, good boy. Lady Triazolam put him in nappy time. Let's hope he doesn't get spayed or neutered. Royal Tinder. Hey, she swiped left. Hows does she know what a car is? Silenius doesn't know what a rover is..maybe they don't get NASA TV?

Saved by the Hippie Mobile, Sinead is so lucky. Tourism Hawaii must be so proud. Nihilist Monk needs to try rock climbing a bit better. Does he get a redo here too? Nope, fade to black, shows over. Nope, commercial.. back to more bad CGI. Make it look more Minecraft?

Wow, Scruffy sure is full of himself, I think Sarah Douglas is going to try seducing him and then kill him for being so dumb a puppy outsmarted him. Speaking of which, Bad Dye Job's only job is to ask about her puppy. Because he's so cute, snory & drooly. Scruffy sounds like he just used the throne.

"Hey, kick in with me and I'll fix your hair. Ask your sister, I'm a great barber!" "Go to your room, you bad racist!" And the Bajoran National Guard takes her away. Scruffy really needs a throw rug in there, that stone must be slick. Surf's up! Satyr's aren't very bright are they? Dudes in water.

How's he going to hear you underwater? Speaking of which, head of the Royal Guard, can't swim a stroke. But apparently he can teleport like the puppy, that water used to be at his ankles, now it's dozens of feet above his head. Hey, here's Baywatch Hawaii, going to offer spam Poke.

Baywatch Hawaii thinks that sounds just as stupid as I do, goat legs or not. They don't? There's more than just bubbles in suspension of that beer. Cut: We look down on the Village, where's Number 6? I guess these guys spent all their money on Apple products rather than a decent lab.

Wow, there's the lab's problem. According to her math, it'd take them 8 days to take PuppyPort to Earth. Is that why this seems so long so far? I thought that puppy Ported in less than a second. Check your decimal place. Bad Science, bad science! I don't think Obama guy believes you. Bad math.

Obama says that she's smart,so he can't do any math I guess. Time off,time to do online courses to learn some math! Nihilist Monk's nap time is over, looks like he cut himself shaving his head. That's right, blame the dog. Bad King! Bad! Puppy's name is Lockjaw, not King.

Nihilist Monk has synthesia and no lady skills. Prime catch ladies. There's another problem, can't stay out of the bike lane and he lost his buttons. Cut to Sinead now, who has apparently developed a phobia of people shaving her head. Ah, it's okay, some guys like bald girls Sinead.

Maybe Speaksalot will just have to live without the kinky hair in the bedroom stuff for a while, maybe she doesn't know that hair grows? Speaking of which, can she wave her eyebrows? And.. stuff.

Back to Bad Dye Job, apparently she wanted toast. Yay! She scored a Fitbit! She's so thin, I bet she'll start purging if her BMI goes above 15. Apparently she misses Sis. Hope that Fitbit of Sinead's doesn't have its GPS on. Bet Sinead has her Fitbit account password on a sticky note.

The roaming charges, oh the Inhumanity! Sarah Douglas left the Fitbit on purpose I bet, showing the tyranny through the phone bills. Yes, where is the cute puppy? See! Sarah Douglas is smart and hot. Whatisaid. What she taught her was obviously not hair related but someone needs to.

That's right, now that you've lost your hair, the Fitbit must be lying about that extra weight. Squish. Baywatch Hawaii has its own motivational speaking department. Scruffy Time! Fitbit says, time for exercise, been half an hour since the last action. Queue the bad covers "King" Scruffy!

Time for suds w/Baywatch Hawaii before Fighty Time, Scruffy has to build his Spotify playlist.
Back to Bad Math,apparently she couldn't afford a globe with actual maps on it "Bags, check. Nose Candy Injector, check. Time to shop!" Beginning to think she and Nihilist Monk will hook up, maybe he can teach her math? Dude, they can track your Fitbit, they don't need dogs. No sushi here.

You're at a river, and you couldn't better clean your shaving mishap? Stop looking for sushi! I'd don't have synthesia, but I also know he's been walking in circles. Bad sushi skews the compass and gut cramps are starting. Time to sit. More bad CGI, yay! Apparently there IS Space Uber.

Aldrack=Space Uber. And his Space Vagina is apparently a magical place. Sarah Douglas's gun apparently has a hair trigger. Or Aldrack's Space Vagina needed to be roomier. Back to Sinead, time to get off the Hippie Bus. Apparently Fitbit has a phone model now. Sarah's in Hawaii jogging in leather?

Best part of the show, commercial break! Scruffy should have his Spotify playlist done by now, right? Cut to Speaksalot, he needs to remove the tails from his tux jacket. Let's go to Hugo Boss! She wants to show him something, so Speaksalot looks at her butt. Royal Philandery!

They get Netflix, Speaksalot should know what money is. Crap dancer, apparently leads too hard. Hair bends, not hands! If Speaksalot could talk, he could say he's Five-O Vice, he dresses like it. Hawaii has a really aggressive anti-shoplifting policy,first cop didn't radio for help.

Time for a beating, is that Hawaii or LA? Again, get a throw rug Scruffy! Peter Dinklage's Irish cousin has as many lines as Speaksalot. Annnnnd kiss. And the winning lottery numbers are... As soon as Wesley Crusher gets interested in girls, his life is going to be hell, Scruffy thinks.

Bad Math sees Speaksalot and immediately links things up. Rain clouds suddenly appear, but they're not from the moon, so y'know. Scruffy, you're as subtle as a brick. Still waiting for that action and playlist. Commercial, back to Bad Dye Job. "Where's my cute puppy?"

Palace by Ikea. Bet that's what the worker class is for, putting all the tables together. Scruffy, you're monologuing, you've past into Villan Land now, accept it. "Snog me, or I'll kill your puppy!" Must be Casual Friday at C.O.P.S. Sarah Douglas does chiropractic too? Woman of many talents!

No more Facebooking for Sinead without her Fitbit, but I think Sarah wants to lend her hers. Nope, she misses the wig. Time for badassery. Hey Speaksalot, now pull a rabbit out of a hat! Sinead is dealing with her sharp shavy phobia, but is a crap debater. Not a flattering position.

All dressed up with no place to go, let's snap some pics! Couldn't Sinead have just asked to borrow Sarah's Fitbit? How come Speaksalot still has his Fitbit? Why didn't someone take it on processing?

Yes Sinead, no one will ever guess that there's a body under there, those long legs peeking out look just like part of the tarp.

But, Wesley Crusher knows that Scruffy was sitting on the throne, maybe Wesley thought it was a toilet? Time for more exposition, guess Spotify in the next episode.

Blah blah blah, Bad Dye Job.. WAKE UP PUPPY! (psst, Bad Dye Job, go look it that room where puppy was put nappy time, apparently that's a good prison. :rolleyes: blahblahblah Commercial! Oh look, naptime is done for Sarah, is she a Highlander now? Chi ball, super saiyan! THE END.

Okay, show is watched. All in all? I'd agree, this is not the level of some of the Season 1 Agents of SHIELD good, It's got some REALLY DUMB things in it. But I've seen worse pilots. I'd shoot 4/10. ST:TAS wins this round!

http://gph.is/1USa2Mx