Tell me a joke.
Best joke gets the big vote.
7 years ago in #comedy by sirvotesalot (68)
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Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’
😂😂😂😂😂
And then what happened? I heard this joke many times and it always leaves me confused... Did the Genie bring back the two people who wished they were off the island? but was that "my friends" or was the third man thinking of Pedro de la Sansa, a childhood friend of his who used to galavant around the countryside until one fateful day Jorge (the third man in the wish, he needs a name too seems unfair the only one is Pedro the friend who as we continue with the story, we will find out he is gay [FUCK, I ruined it, it's ok I'll think of a new @punchline]) decided he need to go on a voyage and see the world and all his Treasures. At the same time he did this Emmanuel and Gustav (yes, he's french lay off him, not his fault his mother enjoy croissants) decided to also discover the mysteries of the world.
Everything was going well on the voyage until...
Really? I think what really happened was that the genie heard this poor schmuck's plea and then held his hand while explaining that they weren't true friends.
"What real friend would just bugger off without even a mention or a goodbye? You're far better off without those losers." Said the genie.
"But they're the only friends I've known for the last seven years of my life. They were my everything. What will I do without them?"
"Well, I can think of a few things that only need you and I here. " Purred the genie into his ear, as his strong, blue hands slid over the shoulders and down his muscular back. As the memory of his previous island mates faded away, he melted into his new life.
And they lived happily ever after.
the genie offered them a threesome?
Why do people avoid telling Germans long stories? because the last time they concentrated it didn't go well.
an old irishman shuffles into a bar at sundown with his eyes low and his head down the bartender says "ay, billy! whats the matter. you seem troubled" billy responds with "you see this bar we're standing in. I built it with me own hands! but they don't call me the bar builder, no!
and the bridge everyone uses to cross the river to get to the market, i built that that with me own hands too! but do the call me the bridge builder? no, they do not.
and the wall that protects our city, i built that with me own hands too! and they don't call me the wall builder neither.
BUT YOU FUCK ONE GOAT!...
Haha, that is beautiful.
Teacher asks her students to name medicines they know and state their uses.
Little Susan stands and says, "PANADOL"
Teacher: Used for?
Susan: I think headache
Teacher: Good
Musa: PIRITON
Teacher: used for?
Musa: Helps in sleeping..
Teacher: Excellent!!
Little Johnny (stands confidently): VIAGRA
Teacher (nearly falls off her chair, shocked): What for???
Johny: I think Diarrhea
Teacher: Who told you that?
Johnny: Everynight my mom tells Dad, "Take two VIAGRA Pills and maybe that little Shit will get harder tonight!
Teacher collapsed!!😂😂😂😂😂
There are two guys sitting in a bar
Guy1: I heared that your wife died, what happend to her?
Guy2: Went to pick some potatoes from basement to make dinner, and fall from stairs
Guy1: i'm so sorry, but what are you going to do now?
Guy2: Dunno, maby noodles or rice
Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Hahaha, you got me on that one.
This is the funniest joke I know. I've been telling it for over 20 years and I still laugh every time I do because it is still hilarious! It always makes people laugh.
A man is walking down the street next to a tall wooden fence. He hears what sounds like a large group of people on the other side excitedly chanting 'fourteen!, fourteen!, fourteen!'. He sees a small hole in the fence and looks through to see what is going on. A finger comes through the hole and pokes him in the eye as the people on the other side of the fence begin chanting 'fifteen!, fifteen!, fifteen!'.
A linguistics professor says during a lecture: “In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
And continues further - "However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.”
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Immediately, a voice from the back of the room goes, “Yeah, right.”
There is a passenge flight above the atlantic and the pilot finds out they are gona crash and all die nothing anybody can do to prevent it.
So he sends the stewardess to keep people calm till the end.she walks out a smile on her face
-Goodevening ladies and gentlemen we are gonna have a slight delay so I came up with with a game fo everyone to pass our time quicker.
Please take out your passports.
People look at her what the hell but hey nothing else to do so why not.
They take out their passports
Stewardess looks at them with a even bigger smile
People look at her what the hell but hey nothing else to do so why not.
They start waving them around.
Stewardess looks at them with a even bigger smile
People look at her what the hell but hey nothing else to do so why not.
They start to roll them up.
The stewardess looks around with a angelic look on her face
-and now please stand up pull down your pants and stick them up your ass so they can identify the boddies!