You Might Have a Steemit Account If... ComedyOpenMic Round 10 - Upvote Give Away!!

in #comedyopenmic7 years ago (edited)

Many of you are familiar with the “You might be a Redneck,” series of jokes made famous by Blue Collar Comedian Jeff Foxworthy. I would like all of you to join in and submit ideas for You Might Have a Steemit Account.

For example:

If you sit for three or more hours a shift posting quality content in the restroom at work, you might have a Steemit account.

Or,

If Facebook now reminds you of your local newspaper’s obituary section, you might have a Steemit account.

Or

If you send a text to a friend and, later, absent mindedly find yourself checking on how many upvotes it received and how much it is worth, you might have a Steemit account.

Probably, you can do better. Put it in the comment below and have fun and maybe an upvote or two! Thank you.

I nominate @choogirl and @tuwore, seconding the nominations from @samueldouglas and @diebitch respectively.

All credit goes to @acolucky for coming up with the concept and creating the post

Update: We've already upvoted a few comments, keep them coming, we will come back and upvote more until the post is paid out.

If you'd like to see steemians also rewarded for being original, please Restreem, Follow @comedyopenmic, and Comment below with a reply. We will try and come up with new ways to reward original comedy as much as possible. So tell all the funny people you know to come by, and tell your unfunny friends too, we'll teach them to be funny. Check out @comedyschool.

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The things you learn on steemit...

No COM round is complete without some mention of Jerry.

Personally, I've always preferred Tom

Oh come one, how could you not love that face?

You really pulled a rabbit with this one.

WOW

I was going to go with a fursona-type thing, but thought that might be taking things a bit far. Also, how do I get an upvote from @lionindayard? Maybe if my comments were shorter, more efficient, and I used less words.

if you check the value of your posts more times a day than the value of your 401k, you might have a steemit account

You might have a steemit account if you once thought of Bernie Sanders as a loveable old man, but now dread the thought of crossing paths with him

We think he's a cool guy.

As long as he's taken his meds, haha. Jokes aside, gonna use this theme for one of my entries this week.

Si mientras estas teniendo sexo no le quitas la vista a la PC para ver cuantos votos tienes, es posible que tengas una cuenta en Steemit xD

English:
If while you are having sex you do not take your eyes off the PC to see how many votes you have, you may have an account in Steemit xD

cuando llegas más alto que las drogas y el sexo cuando tu publicación comediópérmica te gana un voto de todos los tiempos ..... tal vez eres adicto a tu cuenta steemit

If you miss out on sleep, sex, work and friends to write stuff, you might have a steemit account.

If your net worth is 100x your bank balance and it can double or halve in a matter of days, you might have a steemit account.

especially if you're a minnow with only a $0.03 balance in your bank account

Here, have $0.03

The sad thing is I have a negative balance :(

cheer up, stay positive

Tbh, an interest free overdraft means I've got nothing to complain about :p

I wish i was a minnow, I'm more like plankton

I'm plankton too (getting close to minnow though, couple hundred more SP)

lol if your plankton that must make me floating plastic particles

$0.03 is not bad, there is huge trade going on in $0.00 😂😎
With that said allow me to give my $0.00 to you.

My bank account is at like 0.03 so it's more like 1000x or more. Why cash out when I can go earn a dollar instead

I could be homeless and I still probably wouldn't cash out.

I can definitely relate to that second part, the fluctuation in price of Steem keeps me awake at night

Awake with excitement? :D

If you spend ten hours on a post for it to get 3 views and 10 replies of “Upvoted, follow back” .... then you might have a steemit account ...

Ha ha ha, upvoted please follow back dear 😂😂

If you have no motivation to do anything that isn't monetized within 7 days, you might have a Steemit account.

If you think that cryptocurrency and blockchain technologies can solve all the world's problems, despite knowing nothing about politics, philosophy, or international trade, you might have a steemit account.

If you have an inability to grasp one or more of the following: ethics, economics, game theory, basic literacy, or literally anything about being funny, you might have a steemit account.

If you finance your penchant for paying people to pretend they like you by upvoting various one-word comments and gumming up the network with your low-effort spam, then you might have 7000 steemit accounts.

Oh Man, now I feel like a sucker for getting paid every month...

These ones are gold. :)

If you've stopped having normal human interaction

Wait... This isn't normal?

If the Hispanic girl you are hooking up with calls you “Papi” and you automatically mumble “fuck Sharkschool” under your breath, you might have a Steemit account.

You might have a steemit account if you keep checking market cap every second

If your heat rhythm looks like a steem price feed...