comedyopenmic round 17 entry 1 - Every time I go through the airport

I'm a Canadian by birth but my parents are both Egyptians, despite how much they'd like to deny knowing me. My parents currently live in Qatar where I used to live as well before moving to Canada for college so every few months I travel between the two countries and I always have to go the same trouble every time with security guards getting as far as the 8th base with if that ever existed.

The fact is when your name is MOHAMMED BADR and you're looking like this

You don't get easily through Airports even with a Canadian passport, doesn't help having Hitler to left either.

The list of stuff you're not allowed to carry on the plane gets ridiculous sometimes, Like you can't carry chemicals, flammable items which is understandable, you're not allowed to carry explosive materials with you, which sucks for me as an Arab because you never know when that "Allahu Akbar" moment going to hit you, but all of that is understandable, for me at least. My mother always puts some "essential" stuff in my carry on like candles and batteries, stuff that apparently can't be found in Canada and are essential to a 22 years old.

I always find myself carrying on the wrong object to the plane, like perfumes. If you live in Qatar you're bound to sweat like a pig, and I wanna stand out among other Arabs so I always put a perfume in my carry on, but now they take the security take that away as apparently I'm gonna use perfumes to commit the next 9/11 or 11/14 after the conversion rate. TBH I always wanted to get my perfumes on the plane just to test out the theory, I'd walk to the captain of the plane and scream "Allahu Akbar! captain if you're not gonna give me control over this plane, the whole plane is gonna smell nice!" yeah, that definitely sound like a viable threat. to be fair though, if the plane is full of arabs, smelling nice is a threat.

I'm fascinated by the line of questioning I used to get, "Do you carry any guns or explosives?" I really wonder how many terrorists fell for that, "Why yes officer, I carry two C4s and an AK-47" you'd think Alqaeda or ISIL would have trained their guys not to fall for this one, do the guards act accordingly to the response they get? Because I said no multiple and that never stopped them from acting like I just dropped the soap.if I can stick something as far as their hands go up my ass maybe it's not that dangerous, what do they actually they're gonna find up there? "Look Blake, I found a nuclear head up that guy's ass" I guess I'm kinda glad they're shoving their hands there and not my dick hole, that would be painful.

But every time I go through airports I seriously contemplate how much I actually care my family and whether they're worth getting "Fifty shades of grey"d just to see them. The whole time I'm being asked to be submissive and not move my hand, and I comply but on the inside I'm just like

my nominations are @dj123 and @amirtheawesome1 who introduced me to this contest.