TWELVE LESSONS BEFORE CHRISTMAS! - COM #47

Throughout the years I've accumulated many life lessons. Although I am neither Merlin the wizard nor Zhuge Liang, the brilliant military strategist, still, I am very happy to be here to share some so called ahem "wisdom" with you. After all, most of us are too well acquainted with the famous saying, "Failure is the mother of success."

Big Bang Theory

[1] Since I just recovered from mumps recently, I can testify that although one may have survived Dengue fever and bird flu in the past, one can still get mumps when they are in their 20s, 30s, 40s or so forth. In short, past performance doesn't guarantee future performance. This applies to investment too.

[2] My notebook tragically went kaput a few days ago. The best time to shop for a brand new computer is during the Christmas month. Shops offer attractive discounts and two years of onsite warranty. Apparently, choosing the best time to die is essential.

[3] Backup data regularly on external hard drive and on cloud computing for extra protection. CC means cover your ass while bcc means better cover your ass.

[4] The crypto community can be damn weird at times. Their sense of ethics and morality is very distorted different from that of the rest of the world. For example, someone may develop bots to steal crypto from a blockchain but the person won't be labelled a thief. Instead, they are more professionally known as hackers. Also, they are not "stealing." Rather, they are just more technically superior in their programming ability. In addition to that, these hackers may have thousands if not millions of fans. The truth is overrated!

[5] The single most important tip I picked up while attending a technical school is RTFM (read the fucking manual). This point cannot be emphasized enough.

[6] Think positive. The law of attraction had been proven to be true. Good may attract good while shit will definitely attract more shit.

[7] Save money to travel. The importance of savings is too often underrated.

[8] Read more self-help books. Only you can help yourself.

[9] Girls must learn to love ourselves more. There is a special place in hell reserve for bitches.

[10] IRS is a bitch. If one previously earn above 10K of monthly salary, you'll be monitored and targeted. Once you decided to venture into small business and sales drop, rest assured they'll audit you like no tomorrow. Keep a low profile.

[11] KKJ (kukujiao) means penis and jari unta (camel hoof) means pussy. If an annoying man asks why you are with handsome man number two instead of handsome guy number one? In spite of you being fully aware of handsome guy number one dating histories and personal taste, it is best to answer, "Because handsome guy number two is an undervalued share." If another annoying guy ask why you are angry and did you sleep with anon? Despite being angrier and feeling like slapping annoying guy number two, stay cool then answer, "I have better taste than that."

[12] Life is filled with traps and pot holes. Be observant then tread with even more care.

Merry Xmas 2019 in advance and happy holidays!

Cheers,
Wheat

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I'd like to nominate @rentmoney and @sharanaithal to participate in comedyopenmic number 47.