Weird dating advice that actually works

I’m no dating expert, but I can’t complain. Even in my worst moment, lying in bed with a broken foot, I managed to have a good caring lover by my side. This is no coincidence, it’s a consequence. A consequence of over a year of practice, a trial and error process which included a lot of fucking up and around, getting my heart broken by a girl who travels and building myself from scratch after that. This list includes most of the things I learned during this period and it’s aimed to help you as it helped me.

Confidence: this is the Golden Rule; you have to trust yourself. If your self-esteem is low, nothing will come through. There’s no deal breaker like insecurity, so shake it off your head. If you don’t know how, there’s nothing to worry about. The list is just starting.

Make the best of yourself: I won’t tell you to “become the best version of yourself”, because unless this is a true change, it’ll be fake and people will notice. You have to do with what you have, and from that point taking advantage of being yourself. Whether you are short, tall, skinny, fat, nerdy or plain boring, there has to be something in you that somebody will like. You gotta find what it is, improve it and find a niche where to exploit it. Believe me, kiddo, you have it in you.

Get your latin lover on: there’s nothing better to improve your confidence than feeling secure about your skills bed-wise. But adopting the pose of this mythical Latino sex creature requires more than just being decent for the good ol’ intercourse. A latin lover makes his lady feel like a woman. He pleases her in every way possible, not only between the sheets. He caresses her with his hands, acts and words. He doesn’t shag her, he makes love to her, because that’s all he knows. He’s caring, chivalrous and kind to her. And he dances. Oh Lord, he dances! Because he’s passionated and not afraid to show it. So learn good manners to treat a lady properly, rehearse a few good taste compliments and, for Christ sakes, start moving those hips to the beat of the music!

Work out: I couldn’t tell if being muscular is a guarantee of success in the dating arena. Personally I think not. I am very slim and I do pretty well, and I have a friend who is ripped and haven’t got laid in over a year. So I’m not saying that your should lock yourself in the gym and not coming out until you look like the Hulk. But if you wanna become a proper lover you gotta have a good endurance and, let’s cut the crap: why would you wanna rock at dating if you won’t live past next year to enjoy it?

Embrace your imperfection: nobody is perfect, so don’t feel the pressure to be it. Imperfection is what makes us human, and once you recognize your own humanity you’ll be able to see that in the rest of the people. You like a girl too much and think she’s impossible to get with? Imagine her taking a shit. Yes, she shits and is imperfect too. Not looking so impossible now, is she?

Be cocky, not a cock: it is true that a high self-esteem is really important to attract the opposite sex, but better not taking it to the extreme. Showing off here and there is no big deal, if you have something to brag about. Feeding you ego is always a good thing, but don’t become like those who are so full of themselves that don’t have room for anyone else in their lives. You are looking to get laid or a significant relationship, not winning some stupid contest.

Grow a fucking pair!: have you ever gone out clubbing or to a bar and haven’t been able or didn’t wanted to drink? If not, give it a try. When you do, you’ll see a lot of very drunk guys hitting on gals, making a total fool of themselves. Yeah, that’s what you look like while you are at it in a regular night out. Do yourself a favor and don’t be that lame dude again. Man up and go out there sober, or not more than tipsy. Girls will appreciate it and you will too. Next time you are more likely to wake up next to a woman than with yet another hangover.

Wait no more, my friend. Following this advice we’ll surely grant you a very good time and, who knows, you may end up dating the woman of your life… or of that night, depending on what you want.