Relationship trend or hindrance?
Here is a random blurb that may even fall under a social anxiety rambling. There is a clear direction to ultimately discuss dating, but I find it hard to categorize this. Thank you for taking a moment to read it!
((How I feel today. Source.))
It is important to note that in person, I am hard to read. I go from having eye contact to looking at everything except eyes. I notice things others may not, but I am not trying to be rude. On really high anxiety days, I cannot even take off my jacket because it feels like a security blanket helping keep me safe. It is entirely possible that I am too honest about things that have happened in my life; whereas, others would have kept that information to themselves. For me, it’s just what has happened and I do not care if people know. I.E. - My dad has done drugs since before I was around. That is just what it is and I am over it. If anything, he’s my anti-drug and I take drug usage seriously.
On the flip side, I am overly social online. I warn people that I will send random meme’s or snippets of things I find funny. My disclosure usually includes ‘if this is too much, just say something please’. I do not mind people saying ‘Quilty stop’ or ‘Don’t bug me on Tuesday’s please’. I actually rely on that because this is clear to me. They are expressing their needs and that is not a reflection on my personage.
As a logical person, I regularly wish I could just display exuberant confidence in everything. To be bold at every turn. Be someone who is regularly a lively person. Where I would not care what other people thought. God knows I am striving for it, and I have made great progress. Frequently I go to practice a martial art that is new. I suck at it, there’s a lot of people in the room, and my heart rate is about 115 just walking into that room. (Thank you fitness device letting me know). Using my words, I will talk myself down and try to keep a level head. This is just how I am as a person.
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((Me. ;) When I try to reason with myself some days. ))
So why am I rambling about this? All of this boils down to a complete frustration with the dating scene I have walked into. Dating seems to have its own set of unclear rules. I wish I could have the clear. “Thanks but no thanks” type responses from people. Are they just busy? Maybe they misunderstood my public display? I try not to admit I have social anxiety, but obviously it does not hide well. Do I delete the number and give up? Honestly, the worst part is not the other person admitting they did not think we were a good fit they want to pursue. It is not knowing.
My curiosity wonders, is this new? Based on my conversations with others, this is pretty common behavior. So I extend my question. Is it just American culture? Do we find it socially acceptable to disappear rather than saying the uncomfortable thing? Feel free to jump into these topics in the comments. I would sincerely love to know if I’m alone in this.
((Doggo being adorable. Trying to convince me that she should not be in trouble.))
one of the problems is that men and women speak different languages.
the WORDS are the same.
but the meanings are different.
Honestly, I have found that it is just as hard for me to communicate with women. LOL. It is possible that I'm an oddity ^_^ Thanks for the perspective.
I think sometimes that being overly polite and always asking people's feelings is overrated and can make you seem TOO agreeable. While this is a common and useful trait women are much better at, it can be too much at times.
As far as the anxieties I found that changing my diet seemed to cure that somehow. I started eating '0' processed sugars, then went full on organic, and haven't looked back since! Good luck and be patient ;).
I will admit I am frequently curious about how others see a situation and people's opinions. Not that I necessarily agree, but I don't mind listening (usually) ;)
You stopped feeling anxiety when you eliminated processed sugars? That IS interesting. I have drastically reduced the amount, but I have not gone so far as to eliminate it entirely. Part of that reason is cost. I feed 5 people in my house, and some foods are just cheaper. I try to avoid the processed food when possible. What I find interesting is that your anxiety went away. Thanks for letting me know! :)
Feeding 5 people cannot be easy but nothing worth doing ever is! ;) Another key point was patience. It wasn't instantaneous. It takes some time for all the bad foods to pass and the vibrant wholesome foods to dominate your system.
Another way to save money and build confidence is to grow your own healthy fruits and veggies. This saves money and helps boost your confidence level and sense of independence. As we both know confidence and anxiety cannot coexist! Also I'm interested where you disagree with my previous statement. ;)
Very rarely do I assign responses to gender. When kicked between the legs, everyone curls up because it hurts. Very often I see people say "women do THIS thing" and "men are like this". Generally with this I disagree. Many things boil down to personality rather than gender.
People who were raised to avoid conflict seek to keep others happy. This is not gender specific in my opinion. Those individuals are too agreeable because they fear others disliking/hating them. In my experience, women were the least likely to care of another's feelings on the topic. That was the only line you had that I went "well......".
Hope that makes sense!
It's Ok if you don't want to admit differences in gender. Many these days are very sensitive to the subject even to a fault. Falling on the sword to protect feelings, and be politically correct, are unfortunately the norm. But many clinical psychologists (who know a little something about personality) find a very lob-sided trend to support what sensitive folks call "stereotypes."
I know it's not a popular topic but gender differences are the leading factor that determines your personality. Then up-bringing etc...etc...I found this article very interesting on the subject!!
https://theculturetrip.com/europe/sweden/articles/swedish-teens-choose-careers-based-on-gender-roles-according-to-science/.
It is fine to have an opinion or be an exception to THE rule. But an informed opinion about how others see the world (outside of mainstream Marxist positions) is helpful in determining the "what & why" to your dating question certainly!!
First, I truly apologize for my delay in response. Work projects meant I really was not online, and then Mother's Day was coming up. I tried (failed) to be prepared for that.
Anyway, I do like the article. In the US we really do not have to apply for high school. I would imagine if we did, we might have a similar result. Especially since 9th grade is one of the years where defining yourself based on your peers is huge, and that includes gender.
Before going on, I will add that I have studied clinical psychologists. In fact, I've studied in good depth both sides of this topic because my Bachelor's is in Applied Psychology. Where I landed on the topic was more of a Myers-Briggs scope. There are a few other psychologists I would also add in, but would have to find the right book to pull those names.
Not that gender never plays a role, but I like the focus of personality based on a combination of strengths and weaknesses: here for Myers-Briggs and personality types here. The different types are not based on gender, but perspective of the world. Not that it is an "end all" for how a person is, but I do tend to favor that approach in psychology. I'm an INTJ :)
I think gender should be a factor when looking at things, but as a whole I think society has shaped gender roles. For example, pink used to be the color for boys but we now associate it with females. Some things I think society defines based on gender when it would not otherwise be that way. IE - Men are head of household. There are plenty of societies where the woman is seen as the strong leader. Some examples in this snippet and a few more here (a few repeat I believe).
People are over sensitive in our society about it, and I am definitely not. LOL. I am critical of whether it is gender tied usually when people say sentences like "girls tend to...". I often wonder if it has anything truly to do with the female makeup, or if nurture of a society created the association. :)
Well now I feel silly. Someone w/a distinct and pronounced background in the field ;). You are correct that gender is not the "end all" but a very determining factor (of many).
I'll have to read Myers-Briggs and have a layman's understanding of personality types, but am somewhat of a hobbyist in the field as my degree is in environmental science lol. But it's the study of the biology's that motivates all in the scientific community. These topics are important to consider and debate! ;)
No don't feel silly! Psychology is such a wide field, it is entirely possible I have missed opinions out there. I both love it and hate it LOL By all means pass over to me as many articles as you would like ^_^
True environmental science is heavy on the biology from what I have been exposed to. I suppose that means you're more of a nature in the nurture vs nature debate ;) I tend to lean toward nurture, but I cannot deny nature's huge role. I really appreciate you jumping in to share your opinion. It's the only way we are exposed to new ideas in my opinion.
There is a lot to Myers-Briggs, starting with the Carl Jung base, but totally worth reading it. I think there's another psychologist as well that basically says you have both aspects to your personality. For example, introvert and extrovert, rational and creative. You are not one OR the other. Rather, you have both but one will be more dominant and you'll have moments of doing the opposite. I'm an introvert normally but sometimes I decide I must go out to be around people. Hope that helps and I look forward to more opinions from you. :D
Women are complex personalities and always want to be understood
You do not feel that men are complex personalities as well?
Our main goal in life apparently is to stab things. :)
I am slightly envious ;) It seems easier than being understood!