My last days with mitochondria

in #death7 years ago (edited)

the story below was going to be on personal growth, however as my health has taken a turn for the worst, you see later in my blog a subject change, i was moved to share, try to on a daily bases (given my health status on that day) on whats iam going through, physically, mentally and spiritually. so please read and on my second post i started with with what iv just explained, hope and pray that someone, even if i can help just one person, then so be it

[19/05 23:02] iamstephen: 1. There are only two reasons we don't do something (what ever it may be at the time) a. Where to lazy and/or fear.

[19/05 23:10] iamstephen: 2. Do we know what we want?
2.1 can we say with absolute certainty that, that's what we want, do we really know for sure, what we want?
2.2 so much so, that we can discribe it in minute detail?

[20/05 16:49] iamstephen: 3. You must be able to visualize it, see it in it's fruition, this alows for greater detail, (I want to start a business, what kind of business, what's the "name" of this business, can you see the layout, signage, the products, decor, etc.etc. the more detail the more visualization, the stronger the prospects will be, however.....

  1. 'Intent' our motive, must be one of "pure of hart" our driving motive, intent, desire has to be pure of Hart. ...failing this....you will fail.
    So if we are able to give your "desire" as much detail as possible, it will strengthen our visualization, and our visualization grows with our "intent, motive" based on "pure of hart" the beginning of (what you want) becoming a reality. Given you have over come your fear and/or lazy-ness.

  2. Supporting the above, we find a need for believe, do you believe, have "faith" in (yourself) your desire?
    5.1 is believe, "faith" or is faith, "believe" or are they one and the same?
    Regardless, with out 'them' there will be no fruitation. Each step is dependent on the other, the strength of our (nowing what we want) in great detail, bringing about a strong visualisation, the (motive or intent (pure of hart)) and believe and/or faith, and overcoming the very first obstacle/s (fear and or lazy-ness) we have begun.

Cuase and effect,
[20/05 16:57] iamstephen: How do we know what we want?

[22/05 16:27] iamstephen: Knowing what you want; this is the most difficult issues we have with ourselves, to truly know what you want. How much time do we spend thinking about what we really want? I'm not talking about the day to day matters (more money, new shoes, etc.etc ) I'm referring to those matters that change our lives, (your happiness, marriage, vocation, happy family and so on) things that will change your life, and those around you. The secret here is, the amount of time we are prepared to think about these matters, which is most important to you, what do you want? This exercise can and should take an emens amount of thought, sometimes you may find that what you thought you wanted is not so, or so important, and other matters seem to service, we never relies-ed are more important as to what we want. Take happiness, love, freedom, health, Greater understanding of.... so knowing what we want is very important. How do we know what we want? Time needs to be sacrificed, alone time, maybe your a pencil and paper person, what really matters is that at the end of this simple yet involved exercise, you find that, that what is important enough to you, to do what ever it takes.
"If you want it, then take it"
"If your not happy with your life, then change it"
"What you put in, is what you get out"
But if your to lazy or afraid, or both, you won't be able to get it. Got it?

[26/05 10:43] iamstephen: So we have decided that we know what we want and I'm not referring to silly glib, day to day issues, oh I just want a better day, I want the sun to shine, more money, a new car, etc.etc. I'm talking about life changing wants, true happiness, that lasts and builds upon itself, a way of life that would bring about all those things that are "good" for us, Love, kindness, forgiveness of others and yourself, the gift of giving, wisdom, discernment, prosperity that is of "pure of hart" for the young, direction and guidance, unity and love in the family and our little town, health, safety and no judgment against others or yourself. A better person then we already are.
If you know what you want, (pure of hart), understanding that fear and lazy-ness are the only two things that are going to prevent you from getting what you want, then we begin. It is said that if you don't like (the way your live is playing out, THEN change it ) get up and change it, you change it, waiting for tomorrow or someone else, won't change anything, only YOU can get up and change it. How? I told you, know want you want. And...

How do we start? (Be Still within the realm of your mind) it's here, within ourselves that the change takes place, by going deeply within, find a place where you can be completely detached from all that surrounds you, (our old way) your room, insured that you won't be disturbed, go into the mountains, away from distractions, and go within. How? By being quite, "still in the very moment" listening, not thinking, no thought, just a quite and peaceful "intention" to be, JUST B, believing is very important, expectation, using your visualization to see that, that you want becoming, growing within you. How long? Well how long is a reflection of how strong our desire, commitment is, how often? Reflects on how strong you want for change is.
Motive, is very important, and you need to understand the power of motive, (if it is not "pure of hart") forget it.
To go within, we find the answers, they will come to you, patients and practice, or the amount of time you invest, is a direct reflection of your commitment desire to win. Go to your place, as a child would, with the same pure, innocence and expectations, without blame or judgment. And believe!

(Wake/ing up: to wake up we need to free the mind from fundamental ignorance and 'grasping' This begins with developing mindfulness, which leads to awareness)

➡ You are where you want to be, OR you'll change it ⬅
➡ Honor the self. To be ruthlessly honest with oneself, turn within and begin the inner journey of discovery ⬅

[13/06 12:11] iamstephen: So, I know what I want !!......
Need to analyse what it is, question yourself as to what you want, is truly that, that you want;
Need to engage the above, into what I want; allying the steps, rules, guidelines, understanding and inerrant knowledge, that we are all born with, (you are born with all knowledge) through time we have forgotten;
My want is of "pure of hart"
My desire is "burning in my hart"
My understanding has been clearafiring and the confirmation comes through without doubt;
I'am able to visualize that, that I want; with certainty gained by lack of objection within my "hart" (not the mind, as we often lie to ourselves)
My visualization brings within itself confirmation, direction and guidance;
My beginning, is to go deep within, for within, lies the true meaning and understanding of what it is that I want;
By going within, being in the very presence of the now, and to stay there as long as I can; practiced, religiously, discernment must be always there, as with going within, we are vulnerable to distraction;
The 'knowing what you want, is the heading of your book of your new life, forget the heading or (title) and we become lost in the exercise;
Remain totally and fervently focused on that, that we want; disciplined and practiced;
Incorporating that, that we want into every aspect of your daily life;
It would therefore be a shame for thee to be sluggish in so "holy" an exercise;
We set ourselves up for failure or success through our religious (practice) or lack there off;
hence, knowing what you want and the strength of our desire is paramount to our outcome.
Those practices in our lives that causes us to stray from the above, must be dissolved, as in doing so you will find that your life way, slowly takes on a new;
law of the universe life changes moment to moment; if we repel, fail to understand that any change in direction, brings about a change in you, we become lost; hence the deep understanding and commitment to that, that you want is imperative to your success;
You are marrying this desire; it must become your every thought, "oh that we had nothing else to do; but to fervently want, desire that, that we want, with our whole heart and mouth, oh that thou didst never want to eat or drink, or sleep"
law of the universe cause and effect; what we sow we reap; what you put in, is what you get out;
So to, your beginning must be a commitment to accepting and allowing for the changes that will come, with the practice of our new resolution; you are to become a new, and the old will fall away, be advised that some of these changes will be hard to endure and accept, as we are so conditioned (according to your age) to the way things were;

To be continued when and as i'am able to due to my degree of wellness:

As much as id like to continue with the above, my health has reached a stage, that i believe to share my condition and the way my life is slowly fading away with those in similar situations, in the hope that other may gain from my experience.

As i'am so new to this medium, please be patient with me. iamstephen

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I was diagnosed 8 years ago, but i dont want this to be about mitochondria; rather about my dying a very painful and slow death. Bringing you upto date: cant walk unadded for more then 20m, loss of balance and legs give in, this disease is killing me, in that the mitochondria in my cells, which give them energy is not working any more, also referred to as immune deficiency disease,.
I want to share with you my journey to the end, when ever that may be; last 4 days its felt as if it was around the corner; pain and systems vary from person to person (remember if you want to know more about the mitochondria, look it up) this is about me dealing with the symptoms thereof, as and when body willing ill try and share my experiences with you, hoping somebody may at least in some way benefit from my story, now pain getting so bad cant carry on, sorry so short but also got to get used to this thing im doing myself and struggling to work out steemit, becuase cognitive disfunction is one of the systems.....tommorow than.

6th July 20:30pm, saw my Christian friend today, as i had asked for help sometime ago; after seeing him on 5 different occasions, as i had previously told him; i had been with God, in his light in a very special way, a story for later; however, the issue was and still is, as i told my friend, howcome He doesent heal me, i believe beyound doubt; of cuase i do, i was with Him. So is it not possible, that my time is up, and im supposed to go home (die) i mean what about 'just type Priests died from cancer on google and see what comes up' so they believed, why dident God heal them? Im dying, im reminded all the time, im never ever not in pain, bad pain, my pain meds include morphine, im loosing wait; look i struggle with ever movement, from the tips of my fingers to my toes, and yes typing is very difficult and my wrist gets the pain. Im trying to explain to you, the reader, my state of 'physical being ' in the hope, that what i write further will make sense, ok tyred, and getting to sore, so till the morn; and my story starts in essence, iamstephen