I consider you to be my friend and someone whom I respect because we share a lot of similarities. Sometimes when i read something like this that you wrote, i feel like i am reading my own diary. I think you will make it through this hard part of your life, and maybe begin to see the people who like and respect you. Your friends are waiting patiently.
I have some of these same things like pushing people away.......
I think you're a very talented writer, and you can make this superpower of yours even bigger.....there are few writers who are as good as you