Depressed - Episode 5: Sleepless.
If you didn't already experienced it, don't worry, it'll come soon. Too soon.
The sleepless nights. One day you'll get scared of your own bed. Strange, isn't it? You'll discover the sleep paralysis, and the wonderful hallucinations coming with it. The nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night, sweaty, crying, destroyed by unreal threats created by your own brain to torture you.
I hope you won't have to experience it. I wouldn't hope for it even for my worst enemy. It's one of the hardest parts of the depression. A two hours night of sleep will feel like a blessing for you. The doctors will tell you to force yourself to sleep, they'll give you sleeping pills that makes you sleep for 15 hours straight and wake up dizzy, but you'll eventually prefer to throw them to the trash and wait to collapse by exhaustion to have a kind-of night.
I didn't won this round, for now. I sleep one night on two, collapsing on my couch with a sleep looking like a coma. And when I try to force myself to sleep, according to the advices of my therapist, I eventually get to sleep for two or three hours, then get woke up by a sleep paralysis, seeing a shadow-like monster pushing on my chest. The only parade i found is to tell it I'm not scared, cause I'm the only monster in this room. It works, usually.
Find some good sleeping pills, and try to not overthink before going to bed. These are the advice docs gave me. Easy to say, hard to do. Hang on, guys.
Hey @celtikrage, I haven't read from you in a week, so I want to check up on you. How are you doing? Are you okay? Is there anything I can help you with? Are you just taking a break? I am worried about you and would be really happy if you could just let me know if you are doing okay.
🤗
Hi! No need to worry about me, I was just taking a break from all the social media/internet noises, I had to focus on lots of things these past few days, and I mostly spent my time trying to... Understand things about myself, I'd say... Some stuff that no one will read here, at least for now, I had a kinda creepy phase! But I'm alright ;)
Thank goodness. I am so glad to hear from you 😊
It's good to learn about yourself and your depression, just be careful.
I hope you got through the scary phase and wish you good days ahead!
Make sure to take care of yourself 🤗
Don't worry, I finally found a good therapist, she's helping me trough this phase!
And I'm always careful, I had enough time to learn about my limits, and learned the hard way about the bonds I shouldn't cross... Good days will come, I'm doing what it takes, one step at a time :)
Take care of yourself too, and thanks for your support :)
Be careful which sleeping pills you take though! Some are highly addictive.
How have you been @celtikrage? 😊