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RE: Frenemies in My Head & Other Joys of a Depressed Mind
I actually wondered as I was responding to your comment whether or not you swear...lol...man I wish I could either rewind or fast forward so I could pick your ass up out of this funk, but my own state of mind being what it is, sadly probably not going to happen. I don't usually suffer from depression, however I was a terrible pregnant person. I did not fucking glow, hahaha, in fact it irritated the hell out of me when I ran into that type. I'm not even sure how I managed a second time around, in fact I like to say that Ethan insisted on us being his parents and that's the only reason that I did it.
I DID NOT FUCKING GLOW <3 it lolling for real
I only have manners on other people's blogs haha. I think early on I debated how much of me I'd be on here - and then said, fuck it, if cursing on my 'home' Steemit space offends - then get the hell off my lawn :-P
Depression is stubborn like that - no outside person can do much to help a depressed person (though it's always been there, I can't remember a time since the teenage years where it's been this intense - since there are no other logical reasons - I'm 99% sure it's pregnancy hormones exacerbating it). That said, I'm feeling much better today. (Isn't it funny how when we're going through shit, we want to help others? - or at least certain personality types, and i'm categorizing you based on what I know of you in a few days, though it feels longer -lol god that sounds corny - you seem like you might have that tendency too.)
I'm amazed and terrified of motherhood and giving birth - and that women don't quit after 1 baby haha. I guess it really is worth it, huh ? ;-) That Ethan must be one persuasive little guy !
Hee, yeah, definitely no glow, much more like shit show...Ethan was most definitely persuasive, and yes it's worth it a thousand percent. I was also afraid. The thing is, I was never one of those girls who went all ga ga over other people's babies. Never wanted to hold them or coo at them. When I babysat I avoided actual babies to sit, preferred children who could tell me what they wanted haha. So, needless to say I did not feel like I would be a 'natural' mother and had the irrational fear that I was going to fuck it up. But when she got here there was fortunately some instincts in me afterall, lol. And I quickly learned that the greatest thing you can do is love them to pieces. Mistakes? Duh,I think you would have to be a machine not to make them. But love covers a multitude of sins. And I am also married to my best friend, super freaking lucky.
How old are you? I was young having her, it was an..oops, fortunately with the right guy, who happened to be a bit older than me with two boys already from a highschool girlfriend/shotgun wedding that went up in flames not long after his younger son was born. It ended up being the right time really, because too long and the kids would have had a generation separating them. Now my two are teens, the boys are in their twenties, and they are all really close. And crazy enough, I didn't do a half bad job. Though I say the key to that is to keep in mind that while we are blessed with being the vessel that ushers them onto this plane, that cares for and provides for, nurtures and above all loves them--we don't own them. They belong to themselves. There is a fine line between mom and friend when they get to a certain age though. I know some people firmly believe that you shouldn't be a friend to your kids, but I'm not most people. The lines of communication are wide open..but to be fair I got really lucky with my very level headed daughter whose moral compass is a hell of a lot better than mine ever was. My son...he's a bit trickier, but we're figuring it out together ;)
So I hope you're okay, since this post was a week ago...
I help depressed people all the time. Lol. Then they realize some of it is human nature without stigma. Once you manifest things.. There is no going back really.