Depression during a relationship Part 1

Normally we face our own difficulties in a relationship, as well as problems or disagreements, that arise between the partners. Dealing with depression during a relationship, puts a strain on both parties. The depressed person has immense struggles dealing with their depression, while the significant other feels helpless and mostly can’t deal with watching their partner suffer after a while. I also know of relationships in which both parties are depressed, that is a situation I will be adressing in another part. Today I want to focus on the perspective of the depressed person in a relationship, where only one party is depressed.

The scenario of a depressed person in a relationship can also vary. The relationship could have started while the person was already depressed, but there are also cases in which the depression developed during the relationship. I will adress the scenario of the pre-existing depression in a relationship in this post.

Scenario 1 | Pre-existing depression in a relationship

There are alot of difficulties that are likely to arise from the beginning, when starting a relationship with a person who was already depressed before the relationship developed. When a person is depressed, (depending on the magnitude and type of depression) they will look for security and a person to lean on to. This can become quite extreme, to the point where the depressed person will cling to their partner.
Some depressed partners even need their significant other to be there for them 24/7, which can cause a huge strain for the other party.

Depending on the magnitude of the depression and whether they have built a wall (explanation of the „wall“: https://steemit.com/depression/@rashia/the-wall-around-the-heart) around their heart or not, they will be very insecure in the relationship.

If they have built a wall around their heart, the type with which they can’t feel any positive emotions, they will most likely have or develope doubts about their love.
If they have not built a wall, that is easier to deal with, but also in such cases a wall can still be built later on during the relationship.
It is a burden to both parties, if the depressed person can’t say „I love you“ truly feeling it. Sometimes love is also confused with comfort, they feel comfortable and protected with the person, but sometimes realize later on that the love they felt was not what they thought it was. That can destroy the relationship, but also the partner, depending on how long the relationship lasts / lasted.

Some partners of depressed people can’t deal with the person their significant other becomes, if they rid themselves of depression, because they fell in love with the depressed version and the healthy personality is just too different or too much to handle.

In some cases people have the so called helper syndrome and subconciously get together with people who are depressed and have the urge to save them. That can also backfire for both parties. I have seen cases like that and also the broken heart of the depressed person, as they rid themselves of depression. Their partner suddenly had all sorts of issues with them and at some point broke up with them. Shortly after that person was together with another depressed person and the cycle began anew.

This can result in something horrible for the person who just recovered from their depression. Due to the breakup, they might even perceive their recovery as something negative. The result could even lead them into a new cycle of depression and if in this case, the healthy partner would even return to their side, it would be catastophic. It would cause the depressed party to find their depression somewhat comfortable, because they won’t be alone if they stay depressed. For them (in this scenario) recovering from depression, would turn into something bad. This could result in a chronic depression.

For a depressed person it is of utmost importance to be able to trust their partner, they need a rock to hold on to, the light in the dark. If their significant other lies to them (and this does not have to involve the importance of the situation, because you never know how important that specific situation is to the depressed party), their rock will crumble and they will fall deeper into their downward spiral (Downward spiral explained here: https://steemit.com/depression/@rashia/describing-the-downward-spiral-during-depression )

As I mentioned before there will be insecurities for the depressed party. They can feel insecure about the relationship itself, even if they feel they love their partner. They might question if they are even worthy of being with their significant other. Sometimes it spirals out of proportion and they actively start to sabotage their own relationship out of love, trying to force their partner to find someone “better“ (who won’t be pulling them down), who isn’t depressed.

It’s important that the depressed person gets support, rather than becoming dependant on the partner. This way both parties can profit, because the healthy person is supporting the depressed person, potentially even helping them get rid of their depression.

Being together with a depressed person isn’t easy, I respect every person who sticks around to help them out and is loyal to their feelings for their partner. You have my utmost respect!

For everyone who might think about getting together with someone you know is depressed: Please think about it carefully, if you do not take it seriously, you could destroy them. Please be sure of the struggles and difficulties that lie ahead and be sure you are ready to take on that responsibility.

Thank you and have a wonderful day everyone :D