Daily diary, 27th Oct 2018

Everything smells like smoke
The spot ,the tabacco in the air
I am always disgusted by people
I was always disgusted by people who used to smoke
Now may be I hv made my piece with it
But why did I need to do that
I am paying a high price for this
I am always uncomfortable
The door to my joint balcony should always be closed ,
Whenever I got to shower the smell of smoke seeping in through the window irritates me to hell
I live around people who smoke and drink
It's a small hell for me
Well today someone told me that. I should leave otherwise I'll...
Well nothing new ,but unexpected coming from a person who seems to be always ok
I wondered what would hv I done in this scenario... Well I would hv removed all of my anger on the person
Ok the situation was this I went to fill the bottle ,and this person was talking in his phone ,since a very long time ... I thought he was wearing earphone so couldn't hear me so I kept whistleing ... We he didn't react so I took one of the bottles and touched him with it ... I was expecting a sudden reaction to cold ,but it turns out that guy was hot with anger .... Well he asked me to leave other wise "mein faltu ka gussa karuga"
I guessed that he might be having some problems at home
Well back to my childish ways .. I couldn't do anything for a long time ...
If I was angry I would have removed all that anger on the next person .... Maybe
But those words seemed too wise , showing me how childish I am ...and perhaps will always be
I would give up everything for such wisdom and confidence
Yeah I seem to have everything
But everything came quite easy to me ...
Leaving me like the way I am
Never thinking about the space ,the place ... That I live in ,
Never thinking what other people think
This lack of wisdom always throws me back ...
Reminding me that who I am ...or where I am ...
Gives me a heartache of sorts
One would argue I think alot about small stuff
But the truth is yes I do ...

I am not quite mentally stable you know ?