I hated school growing up--now I'm a teacher

As a child, school was my prison. I wanted to spend all my time outside, catching bugs, exploring new places, playing with friends, learning from nature. I never understood why adults wanted me to spend so much time inside, sitting down, following instructions. Luckily I had very little homework in grade school--or at least I did very little homework. And that which I completed was often not turned in--even at an early age paperwork seemed to be my nemesis and I had very little concern with how others "graded" my efforts.

By junior high I realized grades might matter for my future, but by my calculations my grades would not really matter until high school, so I used that time to pursue interests in fishing, camping, skiing, hunting, and learning more from nature. Even though I had some genuine interest in some subjects, school continued to be tortuous and I continued to get in occasional trouble with the teachers for my boredom with whatever they were talking about.

In high school my philosophy was that grades did not matter to me personally, but I realized they would count for something, so I made a game of figuring out the minimum I could do to earn a good grade. I was surprised at just how low the bar was set, as I continued to get by without doing homework most of the time. During my sophomore year I had the amazing privilege of becoming an exchange student to Australia! I could write a book about that, but for this post let me just say that high school was actually challenging in Australia. I had to work hard every day in order to get good grades, and the courses challenged me intellectually and were quite interesting. It was my first year where I actually enjoyed school and where my teachers made a big influence on my life. In coming back to the U.S. the rest of high school was pretty simple--with my new study habits I was able to pass A.P. classes and look like a pretty great student. Luckily I had discovered a love of learning in Australia, which has stayed with me to this day.

After high school I served a mission for the LDS church, which meant learning French and living in southwest France for 2 years while trying to talk to people about a subject they mostly did not want to talk about (when I got back I reported that it was "the best two years of my mission," since I did not know how to convey just how challenging it was for me to face daily rejection for that long). In high school I had considered becoming a wildlife artist, but my teacher convinced me that I would have to live in a big city like L.A. or New York if I wanted to make a living as an artist. It was stupid advice, but I believed him and decided to major in biology in college. I was pleased to finish my Bachelor's degree, along with a French minor, in 3.5 years. Finishing so quickly was largely thanks to the fact that I had married my high school sweetheart (we started dating after Australia), and she knew how to push me through the program because she had started 2 years before me in the same major (while I was in France).

Then came the dark abyss of grad school. My wife's grad school experience happened rather quickly--she was working on her Master's while I was finishing my Bachelor's degree. We then moved to a new town, a new school, and I entered as a new grad student. I had some amazing experiences while earning my PhD, but I was so lost within the system that I pretty much gave up hope of ever getting out. After 6 years I took a full-time teaching job while technically still enrolled as a grad student (I had finished my course work and comprehensive exams so was ABD--All But Dissertation). I thought they would fire me if I did not finish my dissertation that year, but at the end of the year they asked if they could renew my contract. This went on for 8 more years! I was loving the teaching, but feeling constantly guilty that I was not working on my dissertation (but at the same time actively avoiding it--it had lost its appeal years ago). Eventually, 14 years into my program and with four kids at home, I left my family for a one-year teaching position in a small town where I could concentrate on writing every night. I made the 3-hour drive home every weekend and we pulled through that year, finishing with me finally graduating and becoming unemployed at the same time.

One thing I had learned during my many, many years of school was that overall I still hated school and yet still loved learning and teaching. From kindergarten through grad school I think the system is pretty messed up. If you were to design a system to destroy curiosity, discourage creativity, and demoralize both students and teachers then I think it would look a lot like our current school system. Sure there are examples of great schools, and lots of examples of great teachers, but overall the system is so top-heavy with administration (from the federal to the local level) and so enslaved by testing that students who thrive or teachers who feel free to do their best work are the exception, not the rule.

So, why do I teach? Because I want to wake up my students! I care deeply about them and see so much potential in each one of them--potential that they don't even see in themselves. I believe that learning is a pathway to unleashing greatness, and I want to create a spark that sets their brain on fire and creates a burning drive to always do better and be better. I want to make the system better (though I have not figured out how to really change it).

Frankly, I am not doing a very good job. I think most students come into my class thinking all they need from me is a good grade. Unfortunately for them, they probably won't get what they want. Worse, they might leave my class still asleep in the system, their potential largely untapped and their mind largely unawakened. I try, I really do. I am working mainly with "minority" students (in a community where they are actually the majority), in a town where the K-12 system is pretty pathetic compared to what I had (yes, I realize now that I had it pretty good). Some students come alive and flourish, but overall I wonder if I am reaching them too late. Could I make more difference at junior high or high school, or would I serve them better in elementary school?

I'd love to hear from you--at what age did a teacher make the most difference in your life? How has the school system (not the individual teachers necessarily) let you down? What has awakened you to your great potential? What changes would you make to the school system if you could go back in time and change it for yourself?